Movie Club

[Gintaras]

No matter how you dress her up, Palin is just not A-list material. This is one skanky broad who about the best scenarios you can come up with are of the "Drill, Baby, Drill! variety.  We throw GaGa into the mix and basically you have some skanky prison chick film with Palin as the warden, a la Reform School Girls, or Naked Birds as they called it in the Philippines, and GaGa reprising Wendy O.Williams' role, which I'm sure she would do with gusto.  You can throw a platinum blond wig on Palin if you like.  You have to love the tagline,

So young... so bad... so what?

[jbottle]

"....BUBBLES OR BUST??,"

In "DEEPSKANK FIVE," one hooker, one killer, one cheerleader, one sorority girl, and one prison warden all have to go "on the pipe," or take a SEA DIVE, to work off the sentence, on one hand the surface isn't the greatest environment, but fuck, I guess there is a strange corporate task 2 miles beneath the surface of the Gulf...

"I reckon them girls ain't got nothing on the rest of us other than courage, which they got in spades..." said Admiral Marty Quinn, "They can screw, we know that but can they fight a supernatural beast underwater, it would be cool if they did..."

"Who is running this whorehouse," said M. Palin, BLACK OPS, "We drilled our way in here bitches, and we will drill our way out, come on HELL, fuck you, COME ON HIGH WATER, fuck you too...I need you all to be in, all in, this is a matter of VERY HIGH, VERY HIGH importance, but when there is oil, blood, water, cream and sugar in my coffee or all of it all over my fake nerd glasses I wan't you to know..."

"...I'm going to DRILL THIS FUCKER, even if I have to do it ALL BY MYSELF..."

[pugetopolis]

Reform School Girls (2010)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8cXJB9Mqzc

“So Young, So Bad, So Fuckin’ What?”

Cast: Sarah Palin as Edna
Lady Gaga as Charlie Chambliss

Memorable Lines:

Edna: I thought I smelled fish.

Edna: You know the name of the game, girls... control. COMPLETE... control!!!

Edna: You're just a shit-stain on the panties of life.
Charlie: You should know, you lick 'em every night!

Edna: Keep your fingers above the sheets. We only change 'em once a week!
Charlie: The last thing this dorm needs is another pussy.

Edna: My name is Edna but some of the girls call me Eddy, after they get to know me better.

Edna: Where’s my fuckin’ Atomic Douchebag Strap-On Dildo when I needs it!!!

Edna: Time to Drill, baby!!! Drill!!

Edna: Drill this Fuckin’ BP Bitch all the fuckin’ way down—Down Deep, baby. Down into the Earth’s fuckin’ molten hot core!!!

Edna: Time to show Big Bad Mama Earth—who’s the Butchy Bull Dyke Top Boss Chick around this Joint, Girlz & Ladies!!! And I do mean Ladies…”

[Gintaras]

Sort of keeping in the Reform School Girls mode, I can see a sleazy offshore bordello, simply named The Rig, somewhere along the Louisiana coast run by Sarah, servicing all those fine BP oil men.  The poor gals have nowhere to go as Sarah controls the only means of transportation of The Rig, a helicopter.  the babes are supplied the Louisiana penal system.  One day Lady GaGa comes racing across the border in her sporty new car.  She tries to charm the highway patrol man,



but to no avail.  This is her worst nightmare, Edna herself, and she cuffs the bitch and tosses her into the back of her cruiser, where poor Stephani is wrung through the ringer, not much unlike in her Telephone video,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVBsypHzF3U

only there is no Beyonce waiting for her in the end, but Sarah Baby herself, who picks her to work on The Rig.

[pugetopolis]

DC Prison Flicks

Sort of keeping in the Reform School Girls mode,
but to no avail.  This is her worst nightmare, Edna herself

“I thought I smelled Fish.”
—Edna (Pat Ast), Reform School Girls (1986)



“Pipe the new Fish.”
—Evelyn Harper (Hope Emerson), Caged (1950)

Palin would make a good bull dyke prison matron—outdoing even Edna in Reform School Girls or Evelyn Harper in Caged (1950).

Not only that—Palin would make a good bull dyke POTUS as well—if you stop & shudder about it. But don’t obsess about it too long—your insane nightmarish wish-fulfillment snarky Poli-Sci Horror Flick Preview might come fuckin’ true.

Palin doesn’t fuck around—with cheesy McSame “spoiler alerts” anymore. No more Vice Prez fuckin’ around. She be out for the Big Time Bitch—the Prison Matron from Hell Routine.

As if any “spoiler alert” is needed anymore. The dumb trustin’ rubes & stupid gawkin’ audience pretty much know the Drill by now. It’s Bend Over, baby—Time To Get Butt-Fucked & Corn-Holed Once Again, Assholes. What a Laugh Train—what a Gong Show. Nobody’s gonna be disappointed anymore—everybody fuckin’ knows what the Ending of the DC Prison Flick is gonna be.

Everybody pretty much knows what’s gonna happen—Pundits & Cynics aren’t wallowing around in their snide, sardonic, ironic, gallows-humor Bad Attitude anymore.

Every POTUS seems to have their own little Fuck You Surprise just waiting for us—whether it’s “Tricky Dick” Nixon with his “Deep Throat-Watergate” Jack-in-the-Box Routine.

Or Clinton with his “Blue Dress” Pandora’s Box Surprise. Or Ronnie Reagan with his smarmy Irangate “October Surprise” Smoothie.

Jeeze lueez—what’s new? The “BP Oil Spill Fuck You Surprise with its deadly Corexit Spray Blowjob-Douchebag Party???  Who knows what Neat Little DC Trick or Treats wait next—there inside the Bijou Beltway Bunghole next for us? Lurking deep down the next Jack in the Box surprise???

"Eeny, meeny, miny, moe”—Catch a POTUS by the Toe. But you know, of course, once Palin becomes POTUS—her kind of Caged / Reform School Girl Persona won't let go. No minor impeachment game will get rid of her—she’ll be skanky Prison Matron for Life, so just kiss it goodbye.

It’s all or nothing with Sarah Palin—she makes Pat Ast as skanky Edna in “Reform School Girls” look Easy. She makes Hope Emerson in “Caged” look like Marilyn Monroe.

Whether it’s Edna-esque Reform School slutty sleaze. Or Evelyn Harper Bull Dyke Woman’s Prison Bump & Grind. The fuckin’ filmscript doesn’t look cool—pardon me if I puke & drool…

Edna: You're just a shit-stain on the panties of life.

Charlie: You should know, you lick 'em every night!

[jbottle]

"Mommy Mnemonic"

"Patriocity"

"The Carpet-Muncher Man"

...Youngest son of Sarah Palin Tron Palin faces his enrollment at M.I.T with mixed emotions, with the easy protection of the Secret Servicers after mom had enlisted more females, particularly former juvenile delinquents, rollerballers, scype-sex operators, hookers, strippers, and even a cyborclonic replica of Ida Lupino with a titanium skeletal system, and the heart of a tramp.

After mom had won the white house in 2020, Tron, son of geneticists at Norad who mixed one of mom's frozen eggs during the routine removal of an ovarian cyst by a rogue scientist who mixed it with squirmers of different origin who fought it out on a micro-Darwinian who's-who of the 20th century.  Who was his real father Jeff Lynne, Freddy Mercury, FDR, Sinbad, Carrot Top, Larry Hagman, or TTBoy, the mind reeled at the possibilities.

But here he was entering as a freshman with his own ideas of a brave new world, based first the fuck most on ditching security and partying like a rock star, he didn't know where he came from, he damn sure didn't know where he was going, and didn't give a FUCK.

Acing the SAT's was a surprise since he had been on acid and forgotten taking the test or thought it had been a dream:  Now he was dreaming of different things, to get his swerve on in the short term and change the history of the universe, if he didn't get too fucking high, in the meantime.

[pugetopolis]

...Youngest son of Sarah Palin Tron Palin faces
his enrollment at M.I.T with mixed emotions...

Wonder what Tron's like?

[jbottle]

It was a joke, doesn't she already have a Tragg, or something??

[pugetopolis]

It was a joke, doesn't she already have a Tragg, or something??

Yeah, but I like the idea of Tron.

As a character...

Something counter-intuitive going on.

To offset Sarah's personality.    

[jbottle]

Well, it's the idea that he wasn't raised by "Todd," and didn't necessarily shoot Caribou from the helicopter, he was forced to fly the helicopter at age 7, because he has this other genetic material, despite being "concieved" as a nutsacker, you have nature over nurture, the idea that he is intelligent, for one, to explain jokes, you go too far, the royal you, not you, but the joke of her saying he was named after her favourite film, the original "Tron," on thier first movie date, it kind of writes itself in that absurd way...

"I was born in the mountainous region, in NORAD, my father is nuclear weaponry I was told playing Texas Hold 'Em with the Joint Chiefs of staff...I won a Stealth Bomber before my 4th birthday, and pissed it away on pocket QUEENS," I thought the General had Aces, but he sucked out on the river with a flush draw, Spades..."

"...hit it on the turn with a Spade Queen, and I was all-in and have been ever since..."

Etc.,

I felt like E.T., and when I phoned home I would get the answering machine, I was a Close Encounter of the Third Kind, and have been smoking the kind bud ever since..."

The pothead revolutionary, etc.

[pugetopolis]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AwvuirSEAA&feature=rec-LGOUT-real_rev-rn-1r-5-HM&videos=GMLVpyusL-Q

I like your Tron Palin character “swerve.”

Reminds me of Tron “evolution” with the new flick.

The idea of a new kind of sci-fi anti-hero…

[jbottle]

"MOMMY, DID NORAD MAKE ME LIKE THIS??"

[pugetopolis]

"MOMMY, DID NORAD MAKE ME LIKE THIS??"

Love it, Jbottle.

You've got an excellent gift for short one-liners that capture the whole storyline so fine.

I needs to get more like you. I get carried away with my Auteur imagination sometimes.

But you've still got some adolescent fratboy shameless humor left like me.

It won't last forever tho. But while we've got it, might as well use it.

Use or lose it, isn't that what they say?
 

[pugetopolis]

Come Back, Little Sheba!!!

Dennis, you are having way to much fun. The piece on Vaginal Orgasms was too much    cutting through the senseless chatter that now dominates these forums.

What do you say to doing a Mulholland Dr./Sunset Blvd. double bill in the Movie Club?  

Dear Gintaras,

Please Come Back, Little Sheba!!! Don’t leave me here in Melba—at the mercy of Desdemona and the other angry Desperate Housewives and Ladies of the Night!!!

I honestly and sincerely try to be Facile & Facetious about Melba Chat with the Ladies and Gentlemen—like you suggested. I even added "facetiousness" to my by-line to let everybody know what to Expect.

But Lordy, Lordy!!! Dem ‘dare Demoiselles and Desperados—they don’t have a funny-bone in their body. They take everything ultra-forebodingly deadly serious—any dish or Snark they take as simply awful & insulting to their Hoity-Toity Standing in the Community.  

As you know, Melba Musketeers are like a bunch of old Hens—all crammed into a busy cramped Chicken Coop. Clucking away about this & that. They really clucked when they found out—you’d gone & done flown the Melba coop.

Without you here, Gintaras—they’re already descending on me like a bunch a Desperate Hen-Pecking Housewives. Looking for revenge—and getting’ even in their beady jaundiced Eyeballs.

Please come back, Gintaras. I really do enjoy your Obama Forum poly-sci suavity. And your Movie Club Forum—really neat Auteur / Cineaste ideas.

Here’s the post you liked so well. Read it again & laugh with me. Come back Little Sheba—Melba needs you, man!!!

Hey, Bart. Here’s one for you!!!

Vaginal Orgasms? It May Be In The Way That She Talks  

June 24, 2010

(ChattahBox) – In an attempt to better understand the believed correlation between sexual function and mental health, researchers are now looking at links in vaginal orgasms, and the way a woman talks.

The idea was that sexologists witnesses a woman’s method of talking, and then tried to see if they could make an educated guess as to the history of their sexual orgasms, including whether or not they have vaginal climaxes.

Researchers were surprised by results, which showed more than 81% accuracy on guessing the sexual function without any knowledge of the woman’s case history.

Scientists believe there is a greater pelvic and vertebral rotation as well as big mouth commotion with women who have vaginal orgasms, then those that require direct stimulation to achieve climax.

http://chattahbox.com/science/2010/06/24/vaginal-orgasms-it-may-be-in-the-way-that-she-walks

[kidcarter8]

Puge

GREAT pic of Gaga today in (I think) the Bergen Record.  I'll try to fetch it for you.

Sans makeup, holding a kid in her arms.  Sweet, actually.