Creative Writing

[carol polk]

his desire to excel at parody in the stand-up (or kneel down) comic mode did not make him break up at the third ...

[rantbo]

...rail, in spite of the high voltage.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the arctic, Bristol Palin had developed a severe case of

[carol polk]

extrasensory perception, giving her the distinct sensation that the Kamchatka peninsula was undulating in an easterly direction, posing a certain ...

[rantbo]

...threat to Prince William's Sound and generally increasing chances of unprotected continental drift.  To protect Alaska from an unplanned land growth, Miss Palin proposed the construction of a barrier to block the sudden spurt of Aleutians into the fertile bays and estuaries.  A prominent New York ad agency had been brought on board to... 

[chelu]

.....promote the reclusive billionaire rantbo's new series of cutting edge gay Grizzly bear porn, which was filmed mere miles from Sarah Palin's estate in the Alaskan wilderness.  It was later revealed that Mrs. Palin ordered the construction of the wall in order to block off her family;s view of the depraved acts conducted by Mr. Rantbo and his "actors" in the 3 square mile plot of land he purchased in 2005.  Although the set of homo-animal-erotica DVD's sold well on the black market, the production of the series resulted in the mutilation of Mr. Rantbo's genitals after he tried getting a little too close to the action during filming.  Mr. Rantbo is still recovering at his fortified compound in...........

[carol polk]

figure out who was really who and what that might mean in the effort to fend off the Kamchatka peninsula or, alternatively, to annex it because of the good hunting to be found there.  To help the pr guys figure out which approach to support, she decided to equip the with decent umiaks and Winchesters with which they could

[whiskeypriest]

figure out who was really who and what that might mean in the effort to fend off the Kamchatka peninsula or, alternatively, to annex it because of the good hunting to be found there.  To help the pr guys figure out which approach to support, she decided to equip the with decent umiaks and Winchesters with which they could

train for the annual Dick Cheney Umiak race.  Although she opted to purchase card board cutouts instead of actual lawyers for targets, since the firm of Saltieri, Poore, Nast, DeBrutus and Short wanted 250 an hour per target.

[carol polk]

Bristol was, of course, horrified at the idea of paying $250 per legal assistant target; she had hoped to get a name partner, but, being a country girl, she didn't understand such a prize came at $850 per hour, attended by two juniors at $500 each, payment for which would necessarily ...

[rantbo]

...involve opening her bays to various foreign peninsulas.

[Beppo]

Meanwhile, Bunty watched miners being rescued on CNN.

'Just think," she remarked, "that was a two month unbroken pay packet us wife-types would have been looking forward to."

Thinking that thought might be a bit left field, her friend, quite casually...

[rantbo]

...reached under her bandages and scratched vigorously at the pustulating wound that lay beneath.  Realizing that this would leave little useful material for others attempting to building a narrative centered around Pistol Bralin, she walked back to the den, found the gun safe, took out the .45, and shot herself in the head.  The mystery, if there was one, was why she felt it necessary....

[appaloosabeach]

I'm sorry, I must have a wrong number, I thought this was creative writing. Write something creative, this musical chair rebound crap leaves the alien army surrounding the planet wondering if they should invade or take the planet for food. Resources, lots of fat people in the warmer climates, water no one has peed in, dumber than dumb, if we be lucky they might register as republicans.............oh by the way, she shot herself in the head, she was a retired Vietnam Army nurse, had a steel plate  slipped into her head,  saving the life of a blown and very stoned dead   marine, friendly fire  hit the MASH. No medical, no benifits, Radar drives a mercedes, he's cruising Hollywood Boulevarde, looking for a date.

[Beppo]

One year, a soon-to-be relative gave Neville Greville a cookbook that immediately became the heaviest book he ever owned. When he opened it it soon became clear that there was nothing in it that he would ever be able to cook because every recipe involved the unusual and difficult-to-get liquid nitrogen.

It wasn't the first time Greville's spirits had been thrown into disrepair at Christmas time. On a previous year his very busy daughter had ran into his house on Christmas Day, and without saying very much, ran out again. But not before she had left some unwrapped gifts on his kitchen worktop. Lovely thought Greville, they're thinking of their old Dad. When he approached the worktop he was only slightly disappointed to see a tin of boot polish and some brushes. He was more disappointed upon opening the tin to discover a magic mirror version of his reflection staring back at him, surrounded by a very precise circle of the remainder of the boot polish. An inspection of the brushes revealed a wear and tear gradient of the kind that would have made the shoeshine boy Red Malcolm proud.

Further gifts were a watch that didn't work, but probably had worked until the previous owner had discarded it, and set in plastic, three cointreau-based liqueurs.

Phew, thought Greville, things ain't what they used to be.

And with that he put the watch on, shone his shoes, and drank the booze.

[pugetopolis]

...leaves the alien army surrounding the planet wondering if they should invade or take the planet for food...

We've decided to invade.

[pugetopolis]

...every recipe involved the unusual and difficult-to-get liquid nitrogen.

Neville Greville agreed with us—he was one of the first Earthmen to welcome us to his lovely little planet. Of course, we were very pleased by such polite interplanetary Noblesse oblige—even though we simply loathed the human species. Realizing we had an ideal collaborator to help us launch our attack on stupid Earth creatures—we provided Neville Greville with all the nitrogen he needed. His cookbook became quite popular on Mars—where hunger for plump, fine Earth chicks was high in demand. Especially nice big fat Republican asses—simply out-of-this-world succulently divine. Soon Neville was using Nitro—for very creative purposes. Like zapping Tea Bagger old tough meat into nice tender fillets—hmm good. Soon the name Greville—became synonymous with Revile. So that, well…