Escape from Elba
Exiles of the New York Times
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Author Topic: Creative Writing  (Read 27081 times)
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desdemona222b
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« Reply #1215 on: June 22, 2007, 04:25:57 PM »

"Oooooo, that man is some kinda creepy," Chlo shuddered.  "I would never have come here if dey tole me about dis freak carrying his head around....and that grisly protuberance!!!  ACK!"
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pugetopolis
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« Reply #1216 on: June 22, 2007, 09:05:58 PM »



Suddenly FOX-News interrupted the basketball game with a heartbreaking tearjerking piece of sad news…

Gordon and Harold were getting a divorce!!!!

« Last Edit: June 22, 2007, 09:15:12 PM by pugetopolis » Logged

“Other people's obsessions
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—Vincent Canby, The New York Times
desdemona222b
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« Reply #1217 on: June 22, 2007, 10:54:10 PM »

"I don't care what anyone says," intoned the head of St. Denis.  "It most certainly IS a proper merkin."
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barton
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« Reply #1218 on: June 23, 2007, 10:48:03 AM »

The conquistador and priest knocked on the door again.  The cleaning lady answered for Chlo, who was indisposed, due to a worsening merkin allergy.

"Were you expected?" she asked.

"No one expects the Spanish Inquisition," said the priest.

"Whatever.  She's not well, come back later."

"If we come back later, we'll be, how can I put this?" said the priest.

"Somewhat expected," finished the conquistador.

"Are you a real conquistador?" asked the cleaning lady, arching her brows skeptically.

By way of answer, he showed her his...
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"History doesn't repeat itself, but it often rhymes."
whiskeypriest
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« Reply #1219 on: June 23, 2007, 10:56:36 AM »

silk monogrammed women's thong panties he wore in preference to uderwear
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What does it matter?  All is grace.
desdemona222b
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« Reply #1220 on: June 23, 2007, 02:04:08 PM »

and the key to his betrothed's chastity belt.

"Come in, then," said the housekeeper.  "You lot are too insistent for me."
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desdemona222b
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« Reply #1221 on: June 23, 2007, 02:10:12 PM »

"Torquemada and an anonymous conquistador here to see you, ma'am," announced the housekeeper.

« Last Edit: June 23, 2007, 03:50:31 PM by desdemona222b » Logged
pugetopolis
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« Reply #1222 on: June 23, 2007, 08:36:27 PM »

silk monogrammed women's thong panties he wore in preference to uderwear



"Good Golly Miss Molly," exclaimed Gordon. "Uderware?"

Harold shook his head. "Sounds like a rather tacky gauche sexist Freudian slip to me..."

"Hello? May I speak to Rachel Ray, please!?!"

« Last Edit: June 24, 2007, 01:30:22 AM by pugetopolis » Logged

“Other people's obsessions
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—Vincent Canby, The New York Times
pugetopolis
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« Reply #1223 on: June 23, 2007, 08:45:36 PM »




“Hello? Miss Madupont? Miss Learn? Mrs. Detective Winslow?"

"Did you hear what that simply awful Whiskeypriest said up there?"

"I think it’s high time we had another Spanish Fly Inquisition, my dears!!!"

"Beginning in Ohio, don’t you think ladies? The sooner the better!!!”
« Last Edit: June 23, 2007, 09:07:46 PM by pugetopolis » Logged

“Other people's obsessions
are more often funny than tragic.”
—Vincent Canby, The New York Times
desdemona222b
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« Reply #1224 on: June 23, 2007, 10:15:16 PM »

"Torquemada and an anonymous conquistador here to see you, ma'am," announced the housekeeper.



"Torquemada?  An anonymous conquistidor?" replied a baffled Chlotilde.  "Did you tell them I'm all broke out down dare?"

"Well, ma'am, ahem, I told them you were indisposed, and they were most insistent.  The priest says he's part of the Spanish Inquisition, ma'am."

"Everyday I regret coming to Europe more and more.  You folks so strange!  That horrible man carrying his head around, and now this!"

"What you boys want, anyway?" asked Chlotilde.  "I got some kind awful stuff going on right now ---- it's like torture."

"Torture?" an evil laugh erupted from Torquemada.  "That would be our specialty..."

"But what do you WANT?" asked Chlo, trying her best not to scratch or twitch.

"We've heard rumours that you've been indulging in suspicious, perhaps heretical behavior recently, Senorita Boudreaux.  Something about merkins and St. Denis, may he praise our Lord in Heaven forevermore."

"I sorry to mess wit your mine," retorted Chlo. "But St. Denis is, well, he's kinda like a prevert or something."

"That is heresy, Ms. Boudreaux," snorted Torquemada.  "Now I am feeling extraordinarily zealous about bringing you to trial for witchcraft."

"Ooooooo, mais no!!!" cried Chlotilde.  "My mama sent me to Ursuline Academy down dare in New Orleans!  We take mass down dare by St. Odo of Cluny."

"I'm sorry, Madedemoiselle Chlotilde, but you spoke evil of St. Denis," said Torquemada.

Suddenly, the conquistidor whipped out an iron maiden from behind his back.  "When I'm not handing out blankets infected with the pox in the America's," he said.  "I practice using this old girl for a hobby."
« Last Edit: June 23, 2007, 10:17:43 PM by desdemona222b » Logged
pugetopolis
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« Reply #1225 on: June 23, 2007, 10:43:54 PM »



"Thank goodness, Desdemona!!!"

"Another favorite treat of mine. Lovely nutria casserole!!!"

"Hmm-hmmmmm good!!!!!!"

"What's for desert, my little sweetpea?"

"I simply can't wait..."
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“Other people's obsessions
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—Vincent Canby, The New York Times
pugetopolis
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« Reply #1226 on: June 23, 2007, 10:48:32 PM »



"What's this?" Whiskeypriest asked.

"It doesn't look like a human pubic hair..."

"It kinda looks like a nutria pube, if you ask my legal opinion."

"Surely Desdemona cleans dem rats better than that..."
« Last Edit: June 24, 2007, 01:28:22 AM by pugetopolis » Logged

“Other people's obsessions
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—Vincent Canby, The New York Times
barton
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« Reply #1227 on: June 24, 2007, 02:05:11 PM »

As Torquemada opened the iron maiden, it emitted a groan and then a woman's voice, crying "Please let me out!  Please, I'm ready to repent!"

Torquemada glared at the conquistador, who had been adjusting his panties, which had a tendency to slide up and get bunched up in his buttcrack.  "I thought you said you cleaned this out before we left.  Winona's still in there, you dolt!"

The conquistador squinted into the opening.  "I thought it was empty.  I'm sorry, I just hefted the thing and it felt empty.  I don't think Ms. Ryder weighs very much.  In point of fact, and I mean no disrespect, but I don't think the iron maiden is quite as effective a tool of punishment on one of those skinny movie stars."

"The impertinence!" bellowed Torquemada.

"Let me out," cried Winona.  "I'm really sorry about those blouses!  I just wanted to check the color in outdoor light!"

The conquistador pried the iron maiden farther open.  "Look, the spikes haven't even penetrated her flesh.  She might have a bit of bruising at the very worst...."

"She said she's ready to repent," said Torquemada, "so it worked well enough!  Let's yank her out of there and have her...."

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"History doesn't repeat itself, but it often rhymes."
learn.
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« Reply #1228 on: June 24, 2007, 04:06:25 PM »

"Pardon the interruption", said the eye-rollingly obnoxious intruder. He  went on to proclaim ...


"While I do not think we/society can end racism (there will always be individuals who are racist), I'm 100% certain that we/society can spread an opposite to it.

Similarly we can't end hatred, but it doesn't mean we shouldn't spread love.



LEARN is a powerful word. To me and I think most people, it means acquire knowledge. So the message/symbol that you see means acquire knowledge of ending racism, acquire knowledge of end-broken-hearts. The experts always say, the best way to handle blah, blah, blah, is through education. I can't imagine a more memorable, educated message when it comes to ending racism than LEARN.


While I realize there's no one message ALL people can agree upon.... the truth is, if a person REALLLLY wants to end racism, they should have no problem saying Lets End All Racism Now."


"Shut up.",  roared  all in earful. "We don't care about racism." "Go away.", they shouted. The intruder left.

"What an ass" Wink, proclaimed ......
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Others actions are absorbed.
Is the water clean?
pugetopolis
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« Reply #1229 on: June 24, 2007, 06:52:26 PM »



Dearest Madam Learn,

Excuse me while I barf at your sanctimonious oinky oink-face quasi-piggery.

No change that—make it total completely unadulterated oinky oink-face poshlust better than-thou oink-slut piggery.

How does that sound, fuck-face madam learn?

Dearest one, (yawn) you’re the worst kind of slimy Trollette—the fake do-gooder Inquisition queen-bee type.

Ten times worse than lifeline and the msussman clones.

A clue—your shit does stink
« Last Edit: June 24, 2007, 06:56:45 PM by pugetopolis » Logged

“Other people's obsessions
are more often funny than tragic.”
—Vincent Canby, The New York Times
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