Escape from Elba
Exiles of the New York Times
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Author Topic: Creative Writing  (Read 27079 times)
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kitinkaboodle
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« Reply #1800 on: September 10, 2007, 04:40:21 PM »

  "I can't wait to see your thieving little ass when nightfall comes. "


Lanky had been picked up by the motley and assorted crew while hitchhiking along this dry, dustier than a dust barrel stretch of highway and worn-out as his skinny self was he only had eyes for the gal of his dreams. No matter that he was somewhat less than his usual dapper self, jeans filthy as a ragged oil cloth, his once white shirt stained a sweaty yellow.  Come to think of it, he was sure it wasn't the stockyards that smelled, he was sure that odor was his own. Now just what were the odds that he'd be a sitting here (of all times and places) in the back seat of that ol' Dodge with winsome Winona?  Dang!  He certainly didn't want to blow his chances again!  Slicking  back a stray lank of oily hair, he gazed at Winona long and hard.  He decided it was time to make his move.  Ever so slowly he
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Don't dance on a volcano...
Eva
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« Reply #1801 on: September 10, 2007, 09:33:56 PM »

crossed his long (size 12) winklepickers and leaning forward...
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desdemona222b
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« Reply #1802 on: September 11, 2007, 11:32:55 AM »

said in a husky voice...
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barton
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« Reply #1803 on: September 11, 2007, 02:02:48 PM »

"Is is true that vegans really do taste better?"

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"History doesn't repeat itself, but it often rhymes."
desdemona222b
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« Reply #1804 on: September 11, 2007, 03:44:07 PM »

"That's what Uncle Timmy used to tell me," said Wynona.  "But he was pretty spaced out."
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nnyhav
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« Reply #1805 on: September 11, 2007, 10:55:19 PM »

"He once took me to this hi-tech organic eatery, I take out my laptop and go to log on to their wifi, and this pop-up comes up, and it says 'Hi, my name is xnet3\001739522\thadd7, and I'll be your server tonight. Would you like to click on Menu, or shall I tell you about the specialties of the mouse? [Next>][Finish]'. "
« Last Edit: September 11, 2007, 10:57:10 PM by nnyhav » Logged
pugetopolis
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« Reply #1806 on: September 12, 2007, 07:32:28 PM »

“I was at this nightclub last night—so like I get bored and take out my laptop to log onto their wifi. This pop-up comes up and it says ‘Hi, my name is quickie\666\eva & I’ll be your ho tonight. Would you like to click onto the Menu, or shall we just go ahead and do my specialty in the parking lot, baby? #100 cash. No refunds. [Next>][Climax]’.”

« Last Edit: September 14, 2007, 04:02:23 AM by pugetopolis » Logged

“Other people's obsessions
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—Vincent Canby, The New York Times
barton
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« Reply #1807 on: September 13, 2007, 10:45:49 AM »



"Fuck all of you!" said Bart and expelled deadly flesh-eating bacteria from his colostomy bag onto the other occupants of the Dodge Dart while at the same time grabbing the wheel and working his foot onto the brake pedal.  As Winona and Eva were quickly reduced to putrescent puddles of human goo (smells like pork!  tastes like chicken!), he brought the car to a halt and dropped a gas-soaked flaming wad of caked joy-rags into the gas tank.  In minutes, the Dart was nothing but a skeleton of charred steel and puddles of melted glass.  Bart laughed uproariously as he urinated on the smoldering wreckage.

"Ack," cried Bart, "who let Quentin Tarrantino use my password and ghost write for me!  Make him stop!"



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"History doesn't repeat itself, but it often rhymes."
desdemona222b
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« Reply #1808 on: September 13, 2007, 11:49:06 AM »

"EWWWW!!!" screamed Wynona.  "You're definitely not vegan!!"
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barton
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« Reply #1809 on: September 13, 2007, 12:22:54 PM »

"I've never even BEEN to Vega," said Bart.  "It's light years away and I don't even own a car."

He leaned back in the comfortable upholstery of the Dodge Dart, now restored to only-slightly rusty perfection by an editor's pencil, and began to....

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"History doesn't repeat itself, but it often rhymes."
desdemona222b
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« Reply #1810 on: September 13, 2007, 01:22:54 PM »

bash his head repeatedly on the steering wheel.

"What is wrong with you?" asked Eva.

"Angst.  Sturm und Drang.  Goethe.  Jaded..." muttered Bart in a state of glorious delium.
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nnyhav
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« Reply #1811 on: September 13, 2007, 02:12:11 PM »

"Who's Gerta?" Eva asked.
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pugetopolis
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« Reply #1812 on: September 13, 2007, 09:27:08 PM »

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“Other people's obsessions
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—Vincent Canby, The New York Times
pugetopolis
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« Reply #1813 on: September 13, 2007, 09:31:56 PM »

Dodge Dart Convertible

Looked in the local paper to find some wheels
There were plenty to choose from but I realized soon
I was short on cash that and every other afternoon
Can't afford a Pontiac GTO, a Cyclone, or even their parts
So I found a good deal on a ‘64 Dodge Dart.

It was powder blue with chips missing from each door
Tears in the seats both front and back
Ratty shredded carpet showing off the floorboards
Front windshield with foggy corners and a big ol’ crack.

Had a beat up convertible top but all the GT trim intact
The sweet little beauty had plenty of potential
Despite a broken gas gauge and a non existent tach
A slipping push-button and fluid gushing out of the differential.

No brakes, no battery, no chicks, no flattery
Cruisin’ it home smoking and sputterin’
No working ammeter, water temp or speedometer
Just frozen straight nines across the odometer.

Didn’t take the cops long to flash me with lights
Told ’em I’d just bought it that night
They joked about my choice of rides
Then really laughed when they saw the inside.

Saw those cops just the other day
Neither really had much to say
So much for their poking fun and jokes
‘Cause I just left them in a cloud of BFGOOD smoke.
« Last Edit: September 13, 2007, 09:37:02 PM by pugetopolis » Logged

“Other people's obsessions
are more often funny than tragic.”
—Vincent Canby, The New York Times
pugetopolis
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« Reply #1814 on: September 13, 2007, 09:58:02 PM »


"Ack," cried Bart, "who let Quentin Tarrantino use my password and ghost write for me!  Make him stop!"


"What's that smell?" asked Harold.

"I don't know," said Gordon, "but it sure does stink."
« Last Edit: September 14, 2007, 04:06:45 AM by pugetopolis » Logged

“Other people's obsessions
are more often funny than tragic.”
—Vincent Canby, The New York Times
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