Escape from Elba
Exiles of the New York Times
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Author Topic: Creative Writing  (Read 27052 times)
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desdemona222b
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« Reply #1830 on: September 19, 2007, 11:18:50 AM »

...with a hole in his pantlona.

But I digress, Dear Reader. 

Meanwhile, 500 miles away in Sing-Sing, a new crowd of prisoners had been admitted, necessitating a prisoner clique adjustment and reassignment of synchronized dance teams.  Bruiser was trying his best to adjust one day during a session, but found the newcomers were quite stand-offish and unresponsive to his lisping requests for...
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barton
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« Reply #1831 on: September 19, 2007, 01:41:22 PM »

restructuring of subprime mortgages within 30 business days of default....
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desdemona222b
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« Reply #1832 on: September 19, 2007, 01:44:34 PM »

... a recent obsession for Bruiser. 

"My God," he would say to anyone within shouting distance.  "Theeth people need a thecond chance, and on a broader thcale, the nationth'th economy dependth upon it.  Get with it, you boobth!"
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barton
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« Reply #1833 on: September 22, 2007, 01:35:39 PM »

"Meep meep!" responded one prisoner, a slender fellow with a beaklike nose and feet that tended to blur whenever he zoomed around the exercise yard.

"Yeth?" said Bruiser.

"Just wondering," said the prisoner, "how we can be only 500 miles from Amarillo, Texas?  Aren't we in New York?"



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barton
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« Reply #1834 on: September 25, 2007, 01:20:29 PM »

"It doesn't matter," said Professor Sven Spitting, "space is an illusion, a projection of a two-dimensional membrane."

Bruiser stared at the slender figure, sitting in a wheelchair and using a system of kazoos and trained blower-weasels to speak.  "Wat are YOU in for, profethor?"

"Performing an indecent act in public with a black hole," replied Spitting.  "Racked me up pretty well, as you can see.  One would think that sufficient punishment, but no.  The law is an ass."







 
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barton
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« Reply #1835 on: September 26, 2007, 07:15:46 PM »

Prisoner Number Six approached, twiddling his fingers and looking around in a suspicious manner.  Just above his black retro sneakers, a bulge appeared under his pants leg and began to work its way up his leg.  Before the bulge could arrive at a venue where it would enhance his popularity vis-a-vis future prison menages, he began to dance around wildly, shaking his leg, and crying out, "I am not a nutria bus!  I am a free man!"  After a minute of these gyrations, the nutria was dislodged and fell to the ground, where it shook itself off and, giving Number Six one final baleful glance, headed off to the pantry.

Bruiser cried out, "Thtop that nutria!"

Prof. Spitting, who had recently replaced his nickel metal hydride batteries with a lithium ion battery pack, was able to surge forward across the dusty prison yard, wheelchair spokes blurring, and, as he gained ground on the nutria, instructed the blower-weasels to....



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Beppo
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« Reply #1836 on: September 26, 2007, 07:38:37 PM »

instruct the waiting prisoners on some facts concerning his incarceration.

"Well look on the bright side Professor Spittle—nothing escapes from a black hole yet you did. The law is an ass but at least you're here sittin' on yours. Think of all those poor bastards that never made it back."

"That's no consolation—he failed."

"Yeah at least you still got yours intact."

"It made him completely impotent."

"Really?"

"Really."

"How do you commit an indecent act in public with a black hole anyway—what's wrong with the privacy of your own home?"

"Too many holes in a home—toilets, sinks etc. There can only be one hole in the radius when you're dealing with a black hole."

"What about night time—how do you see a black hole in the night-time?"

"No one has ever seen a black hole—day or night."

"How do you see a black hole then?"

"You don't."

"How do you know a black hole is a black hole then—how do you know it's not white for example?"

"It is white."

"What?"

"A black hole is white."

"So is a white hole black?"

"There's no such thing as a white hole."

"But..."

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desdemona222b
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« Reply #1837 on: September 27, 2007, 12:20:22 PM »

"However," the professor interrupted.  "Don't let this confuse you about brown holes, a different animal altogether."

"I'll thay," lisped Bruiser.
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barton
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« Reply #1838 on: September 28, 2007, 11:57:59 AM »

[editorial note, from one who has been an editor, on a small scale.... if you write dialog, and spell said dialog so that we can infer a dialect or any peculiarity of speech, then it is redundant to then employ a special verb after the quotation to indicate same.  E.g. "I'll thay," he lisped -- it is evident that he lisped.  Unless there is an overwhelming need, "said" is usually adequate.  Or, if the speaker is clear from context, nothing at all, just the quote.  Too often, novice writers feel they are jazzing up their prose with an endless panoply of exciting verbs, which results in characters who cry, bellow, exclaim, grunt, mumble, wheeze, etc. and generally conduct the act of speechifying like Mel Blanc laying down a Loony Tunes soundtrack.  Use these verbs with caution, said Bart.]
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desdemona222b
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« Reply #1839 on: September 28, 2007, 01:35:50 PM »

[editorial note, from one who has been an editor, on a small scale.... if you write dialog, and spell said dialog so that we can infer a dialect or any peculiarity of speech, then it is redundant to then employ a special verb after the quotation to indicate same.  E.g. "I'll thay," he lisped -- it is evident that he lisped.  Unless there is an overwhelming need, "said" is usually adequate.  Or, if the speaker is clear from context, nothing at all, just the quote.  Too often, novice writers feel they are jazzing up their prose with an endless panoply of exciting verbs, which results in characters who cry, bellow, exclaim, grunt, mumble, wheeze, etc. and generally conduct the act of speechifying like Mel Blanc laying down a Loony Tunes soundtrack.  Use these verbs with caution, said Bart.]

[Reply to editorial note from Bart:  "looney tunes"?  You were the one who introduced Road Runner to the te-yuxt, drawled desdemona222b.]
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barton
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« Reply #1840 on: September 29, 2007, 11:24:56 AM »

[guilty as charged, cackled Bart.  Please continue, he whimpered.  But do be careful, he insinuated.  Simplicity IS a virtue, he opined...]

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barton
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« Reply #1841 on: October 06, 2007, 06:29:17 PM »

Brett Mandrake squared his massive jaw and thrust his scarred fist into the guacamole, felt around for a moment, and extracted the missing pearls, only moments before
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desdemona222b
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« Reply #1842 on: October 07, 2007, 11:55:24 PM »

Sue Lee Chadwick sauntered into the room and purred, "Barton, Darling.  I think I love you."
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nytempsperdu
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« Reply #1843 on: October 08, 2007, 12:48:05 AM »

"And I know for certain sure I love those pearls, all natural, evenly matched and evah so very lustrous.  Why, I have not seen such nacreous beauty since...."
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barton
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« Reply #1844 on: October 08, 2007, 10:50:05 AM »

...the well-polished fingernail on that finger that turned up in my chili at Wendy's."

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