Escape from Elba
Exiles of the New York Times
June 20, 2018, 08:31:02 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: As you may have noticed, this is a very old backup, I'm still working through restoring the site.  Don't be surprised if you post and it all goes missing....
 
   Home   Help Search Login Register  
Pages: 1 ... 125 126 [127] 128 129 ... 151
  Print  
Author Topic: Creative Writing  (Read 27137 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
desdemona222b
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 1228


That's What I'm Talking About


View Profile Email

Ignore
« Reply #1890 on: October 24, 2007, 09:45:00 PM »

...our Leroy was so despondent he decided to commit suicide.  "I must needs compassionate my scribes to write a missive explaining my decision," thought he.  "If only the world knew what it is about to lose!  The talent!  The humanity!  Oh, the huMANITY!"

But he had used up all the "pages" of his darling little book, so he had to postpone the suicide plan in order to produce a wealth of new pages.  Leroy had to sneak his dinner rolls into his pockets for a fortnight to accumulate the necessary material.  He had discovered that masticated bread could be used as a sort of modeling clay that would dry hard as a rock, so he devised a way to convert prison toilet paper into stationery by spreading out the toilet paper, one sheet at a time, then carefully and painstakingly spreading a thin layer of the bread goo over it.  Once it had dried, he had found, he could write on it.

After many days of mastication and bread goo spreading, Leroy found that his mood was much improved.  "This is so therapeutic!" he thought.  "I should write a self-help book." 

Leroy found that he...
Logged
barton
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 2617


View Profile Email

Ignore
« Reply #1891 on: October 26, 2007, 11:17:52 AM »

...had overcome his former Catholic guilt over the sin of excessive mastication.

Logged

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it often rhymes."
Beppo
Sr. Member
****
Posts: 371


View Profile

Ignore
« Reply #1892 on: October 26, 2007, 03:55:10 PM »

Father Russell had never known someone so...
Logged
barton
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 2617


View Profile Email

Ignore
« Reply #1893 on: October 27, 2007, 11:38:23 AM »

...well-breaded.  If Leroy didn't loaf around too much, there was definitely plenty of dough to be made in the Masticated Bread Diary genre.
Logged

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it often rhymes."
pugetopolis
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 2513


Ink Inc.


View Profile

Ignore
« Reply #1894 on: October 27, 2007, 12:06:33 PM »


...had overcome his former Catholic guilt over the sin of excessive masturbation.


"Oh dear me," Leroy said...

"I must be in the wrong forum..."
Logged

“Other people's obsessions
are more often funny than tragic.”
—Vincent Canby, The New York Times
desdemona222b
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 1228


That's What I'm Talking About


View Profile Email

Ignore
« Reply #1895 on: October 29, 2007, 10:23:57 AM »

But Leroy didn't care about making lots of bread or bringing home the bacon, for that matter.  He just knew he'd be toast if he didn't...
Logged
desdemona222b
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 1228


That's What I'm Talking About


View Profile Email

Ignore
« Reply #1896 on: October 29, 2007, 12:03:41 PM »

get out of the stool sampling business and into something more profitable, something like...
Logged
ponderosa
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 585



View Profile

Ignore
« Reply #1897 on: October 29, 2007, 12:33:33 PM »

stool sculpting. Making do out of the doo-doo that the voodoo hath wrought.
Logged
desdemona222b
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 1228


That's What I'm Talking About


View Profile Email

Ignore
« Reply #1898 on: October 29, 2007, 01:07:42 PM »

 Shocked
Logged
barton
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 2617


View Profile Email

Ignore
« Reply #1899 on: October 29, 2007, 01:18:53 PM »

Meanwhile, Rudy had been interrupted mid-speech by yet another cellphone interruption, in spite of his pledge to America to turn the thing off.

"Doo-doo sculptures!  Not again!"  He looked up at the crowd of Republicans who had paid $500 a plate to hear him speak.  He raised his finger in a hold-on-just-a-sec gesture.  "Is he using elephant dung?  I did everything I could to keep elephant dung art out of New York!  This man must be stopped!"

Former Mayor Giuliani closed his cellphone, looking grave.  "My fellow Americans, I want to make a solemn promise to you right now...."

Logged

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it often rhymes."
ponderosa
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 585



View Profile

Ignore
« Reply #1900 on: October 29, 2007, 01:52:12 PM »

But his ringing cellphone interrupted yet again.

"Hello, this is Hizzoner speaking."

"Yes, this is Professor Russell. I have completed a study of the elephant dung and find that there is a complete lack of boron in these art samples and I can only come to one conclusion ..."
Logged
desdemona222b
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 1228


That's What I'm Talking About


View Profile Email

Ignore
« Reply #1901 on: October 29, 2007, 01:54:31 PM »


Former Mayor Giuliani closed his cellphone, looking grave.  "My fellow Americans, I want to make a solemn promise to you right now...."

... while it's true that the Brooklyn museum did indeed have a "special exhibit" while I was mayor that stank to high heaven, I made a personal pledge at that time that I will repeat:  excretae from norwhals and elephants will be absolutely forbidden in any art exhibit in this country if I have my say in the matter.  Why..."

Rudy's cell phone rang again.  "Hello?  Haven't I TOLD you not to call me here?  No I don't want to dress in drag for Halloween?  Where would you get such an idea?"
Logged
nytempsperdu
Sr. Member
****
Posts: 402


View Profile

Ignore
« Reply #1902 on: October 30, 2007, 09:26:23 PM »

Why in San Francisco's Castro, that's where.  But now even the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence (TM) are unwelcome there, so we must find other venues in which to express our proclivities.  Say, for example...
Logged
desdemona222b
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 1228


That's What I'm Talking About


View Profile Email

Ignore
« Reply #1903 on: October 31, 2007, 09:37:51 AM »

The Movie Club forum.
Logged
desdemona222b
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 1228


That's What I'm Talking About


View Profile Email

Ignore
« Reply #1904 on: October 31, 2007, 09:41:27 AM »

With a cc to the administrator.  Roll Eyes
Logged
Pages: 1 ... 125 126 [127] 128 129 ... 151
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.20 | SMF © 2013, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!