Escape from Elba
Exiles of the New York Times
June 18, 2018, 05:12:26 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: As you may have noticed, this is a very old backup, I'm still working through restoring the site.  Don't be surprised if you post and it all goes missing....
 
   Home   Help Search Login Register  
Pages: 1 ... 127 128 [129] 130 131 ... 151
  Print  
Author Topic: Creative Writing  (Read 27055 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
barton
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 2608


View Profile Email

Ignore
« Reply #1920 on: November 03, 2007, 11:56:09 AM »

"How are you at making ropes out of bedsheets?" asked Wurzel.

Gordon grabbed Newt's hands.  "You've got city hands, mister.  The only thing they've handled is money!"

"I'm not a girly-man!" cried Newt.  "I can make quality rope from wet toilet paper!"

"That's good," said Gordon.  "When my specially bred rats gnaw through the window bars over there, we're going to need quality rope."

"What we really need," said Wurzel, "is a good pair of...."



Logged

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it often rhymes."
pugetopolis
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 2513


Ink Inc.


View Profile

Ignore
« Reply #1921 on: November 03, 2007, 12:06:12 PM »

It was a dark and stormy night...

Newt, Gordon and Wurzel got down to some serious business...

Politics, booze and sports...
Logged

“Other people's obsessions
are more often funny than tragic.”
—Vincent Canby, The New York Times
desdemona222b
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 1228


That's What I'm Talking About


View Profile Email

Ignore
« Reply #1922 on: November 03, 2007, 05:00:38 PM »

"How are you at making ropes out of bedsheets?" asked Wurzel.

Gordon grabbed Newt's hands.  "You've got city hands, mister.  The only thing they've handled is money!"

"I'm not a girly-man!" cried Newt.  "I can make quality rope from wet toilet paper!"

"That's good," said Gordon.  "When my specially bred rats gnaw through the window bars over there, we're going to need quality rope."

"What we really need," said Wurzel, "is a good pair of...."





of silk panties.
Logged
pugetopolis
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 2513


Ink Inc.


View Profile

Ignore
« Reply #1923 on: November 03, 2007, 06:33:53 PM »

It was a dark and stormy night...

Moody, humid, decadent as usual...

Down there in sultry Louisiana where...

The men wear silk panties in Angola...


Logged

“Other people's obsessions
are more often funny than tragic.”
—Vincent Canby, The New York Times
whiskeypriest
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 2928


Life is skittles and life is beer.


View Profile

Ignore
« Reply #1924 on: November 04, 2007, 07:52:32 AM »

...silk panties.

"We're in luck!"  Newt cheered, as he dropped his trousers to reveal a pair of pink Victoria's Secret panties, XXXXXL, 100% silk.

"Niiiiice.  Way better than my old pair."  Gordon said as he walked over to inspect Newt's panties.  Gordon beagan to inspect the waist band.

"No!  Don't!" Newt pleaded as Gordon pulled the front of the waist band forward and found himself looking down on....

"A vagina?!?  You have a vagina?"
Logged

What does it matter?  All is grace.
desdemona222b
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 1228


That's What I'm Talking About


View Profile Email

Ignore
« Reply #1925 on: November 04, 2007, 01:27:46 PM »

"No, replied Newt, "That's not what that is at all!"
« Last Edit: November 04, 2007, 02:41:38 PM by desdemona222b » Logged
barton
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 2608


View Profile Email

Ignore
« Reply #1926 on: November 04, 2007, 01:40:24 PM »

"It must be the air conditioning," said Wurzel.  "They never seem to get it properly adjusted for the north side of the cellblock."

Logged

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it often rhymes."
nytempsperdu
Sr. Member
****
Posts: 402


View Profile

Ignore
« Reply #1927 on: November 04, 2007, 05:59:43 PM »

"Whew, glad to hear it.  I was afraid of more those dreary monologues, which weren't even spoken through the correct orifice. Now thatwould have been a show worth seeing!" said Addlepated Witt, organizer of many a prison extravaganza, incarcerated lo, these many years for highly theatrical crimes, to Witt:...
Logged
pugetopolis
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 2513


Ink Inc.


View Profile

Ignore
« Reply #1928 on: November 04, 2007, 07:26:08 PM »

"Not even the right orifice," Miss Crumpface said.

"But I don't have a vagina," Newt whined....

Gordon and Wurzel looked up at the ceiling...
« Last Edit: November 04, 2007, 07:30:37 PM by pugetopolis » Logged

“Other people's obsessions
are more often funny than tragic.”
—Vincent Canby, The New York Times
desdemona222b
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 1228


That's What I'm Talking About


View Profile Email

Ignore
« Reply #1929 on: November 05, 2007, 09:31:56 AM »

"Whew, glad to hear it.  I was afraid of more those dreary monologues, which weren't even spoken through the correct orifice. Now thatwould have been a show worth seeing!" said Addlepated Witt, organizer of many a prison extravaganza, incarcerated lo, these many years for highly theatrical crimes, to Witt:...

displaying a pressed ham in a public place, assault on an officer of the law with a rubber ducky, assorted and sundry crimes against nature...
Logged
Beppo
Sr. Member
****
Posts: 371


View Profile

Ignore
« Reply #1930 on: November 05, 2007, 10:03:55 AM »

Wurzel awoke early in the morning, sweating, experiencing the remnants of a slight trepidation, that had coagulated in his soul in the middle of the night. The dream he'd had of being pursued by a permed configuration across an oily theatre stage lingered in the air. No matter. He gingerly hopped across his bedroom to open the velvet curtains but realised that he couldn't because he was locked up inside a maximum security prison. There was to be no pate on french bread, no early morning latte, no lazy afternoon scrumpy. Coupled with the faintest recollection for the reasons behind last night's sweats, neurosis began piling up inside his stocky frame causing Wurzelisms so he pulled from his boots a sock and from behind his latrine some billiard balls and walked slowly towards the indecipherable pudendum.
Logged
barton
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 2608


View Profile Email

Ignore
« Reply #1931 on: November 05, 2007, 10:21:19 AM »

After a night under a warm blanket, and the relative moderation of the AC during the hours of nocturnal dormancy, it seemed to have transformed somewhat from the bearded mollusc it had suggested on the previous day and now resembled more some kind of shy terrapin peering out from fatty folds of skin instead of a hardened calcareous shell.

Logged

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it often rhymes."
desdemona222b
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 1228


That's What I'm Talking About


View Profile Email

Ignore
« Reply #1932 on: November 05, 2007, 10:54:17 AM »

(My God you guys are funny!  LMAO, albeit silently as I am at work.)
Logged
notrab
Newbie
*
Posts: 20


View Profile

Ignore
« Reply #1933 on: November 05, 2007, 01:00:12 PM »

Inside Wurzel's sock, the billiard balls rattled ominously.  Shortly thereafter, the muzzle of a small handgun protruded from Newt's groin area.

Wurzel yelped and took a step back, awakening Gordon.

"Just as I suspected," said Gordon groggily, "he smuggled in protection by means of a fake pudendum.  Oldest trick in the book."

"What book is THAT?" said Wurzel.

"No sudden moves," said Newt, now fully awake, "or I'll shoot!"




Logged
desdemona222b
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 1228


That's What I'm Talking About


View Profile Email

Ignore
« Reply #1934 on: November 05, 2007, 01:50:04 PM »

"No sudden moves," said Newt, now fully awake, "or I'll shoot!"


"You'll shoot what?" asked Wurzel.  "That thing looks like a cheap imitation to me."

"Which thing?" asked Newt.  "This thing?" as he pointed at his pudendum, "Or this thing?" as he pointed at his fundament.

"Why are we using medieval terms for these areas of the body?" wondered the ever logical Wurzel.
Logged
Pages: 1 ... 127 128 [129] 130 131 ... 151
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.20 | SMF © 2013, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!