Escape from Elba
Exiles of the New York Times
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Author Topic: Comedy  (Read 10349 times)
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obertray
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« Reply #75 on: August 10, 2007, 10:19:37 AM »

Speaking of Barak Obama, I hear his bumper sticker is very popular in the  land oF G Wallace.

I found this odd until I saw that one was altered:


GO'BAMA '08
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nytempsperdu
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« Reply #76 on: August 11, 2007, 06:24:21 PM »

Maybe this should go in the "Fitness and Health" thread...

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her  eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and  kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a  seat while she  prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was  filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned  with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the best of him and he could no
longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it
wet and that it  would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."
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obertray
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« Reply #77 on: August 13, 2007, 11:17:30 AM »

Ok, a nun joke... Put on your best Irish woman's brogue and see where this one goes....

Two little elderly nuns walk up to the counter and ask for a pint of blackberry brandy. The proprietor looks alarmed by this and so the first sister says "oooh, it's strictly for medicinal purposes" the second whispers conspiratorially "Mother Superior's constipation." Ok fine they get the bottle and they go.

The next day, there they are again "A pint of Blackberry brandy, please.." The look... "oooh it's strictly for medicinal purposes only" "Mother Superior's constipation!" well, okay... they take the bottle and go.

This goes on in the same way for many days after. "Yeah yeah yeah strictly Medicinal purposes, Mother Superior's constipation, I get it. Here!"

One day the proprietor decides to follow the nuns. So after they leave he closes up the store... he heads over to the nunastary and he trails where the sisters went, he find this fairly easy because there are dribbles of blackberry brandy on the ground. he finally comes to a little alcove in the basement and there he see them the two nuns, HAMMERED! and all about them are empty bottles of blackberry brandy.

Furious, he says to the first sister "Medicinal purposes huh?" then to the second "Mother Superior's constipation huh?"

The first says "Oh it tis it tis..."

"She's goint ta shit when she sees us!" says the second.
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obertray
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« Reply #78 on: August 15, 2007, 11:51:59 AM »

So the guy shows up home early one day and his wife says "Dear, what are you doing home from the sandwich factory?"

"I got fired today!"

"Fired!? Oh my God? Why."

"Well... for several years now I've had this growing urge to stick my pecker in the pickle slicer! Today i just couldn't hold back on my urges and so I did it."

"OH MY GAWD! What happened to your pecker? Let me see!"

He pulls down his trousers and there is hangs just like before.

The wife gives a quizical look and then asks "Uhh, What happened to the pickle slicer?"


,


,


,


,


,


"She got fired too!"
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obertray
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« Reply #79 on: August 15, 2007, 03:56:25 PM »

So Anna, she lives in a small Italian community she moved to with her new husband recently.

As with small Italian communities, there are small Italian old men who plant their gardens every year and they boast about how soon their tomatoes ripen.

Anna's neighbor, Luigi, always has the earliest ripening tomatoes and so one day Anna asks him how she can do it.

(Assume a good Italian accent)

"It'sa very simpa, nexta morning you comea down ina you batharobe, you stand ina front ofa you tomatoes, you open upa da robe, you tomatoes, they blush!"

"That'sa whatayoudo?"

"Si, si I learna disa from my fatha, he'sa learn froma his fatha, so ona back. You trusta me what I'ma tella you!"

So the next morning our lovely, young, naive Anna comes outside in only her bathrobe. She flashes the tomato plants, good and long.

Later, she see's Luigi and she says to him angrily, "Hey! Whasaforyou? I did whata you said and look, my tomatoes, they stilla green!"

Luigi moves his hands apart and says, "Yeah, but looka you cucumbas!"
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elportenito
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« Reply #80 on: August 16, 2007, 07:27:45 AM »

obertray: ...are you a closet antiitalianite?
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obertray
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« Reply #81 on: August 16, 2007, 09:16:15 AM »

You ever heard of an Italian pickle?
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obertray
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« Reply #82 on: August 20, 2007, 11:00:16 AM »

What do you call Penne a'la Vodka to go?
















Noodles Roamin off!
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obertray
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« Reply #83 on: August 20, 2007, 03:25:08 PM »

A thought to ponder while you are waiting for the next joke to arrive...

Do

 

 

 

           infants

 

 

                            enjoy

                                                               Infancy

 

 

 

          as                                     much                                      as

 

 

 

 

          adults

 

 

 

enjoy

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                     adultry?


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obertray
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« Reply #84 on: August 29, 2007, 11:07:33 AM »

I know this is going to sound strange, but at least now we have some answers to our questions!

Why are Republicans so dead set against "Gay Marriage"?

I would say that the evidence now points to "They don't want their boyfriends insisting that they leave their wives and get married!"

Its a lesson learned from years of experience that straight Senators have complained about to them (Hey some of their best friends are straight). "You're so lucky Senator Craig, you don't have these girls expecting you to leave your wife, the wife with the father who has all the money, to marry them! Them! With the father who's slightly right of Attila the Hun, and pours gobs of money into my 'Family Values' bucket!"

If this sort of behavior continues, we may get to take back the word "gay" and give up a word like "Sneaky father fuckers!" And then it will be uncomfortable to say "He's wearing sneakers!" so it'll be just as inconvenient as the use of the word "gay" today.

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karlhenning
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« Reply #85 on: August 29, 2007, 03:43:15 PM »

I've been having a great time this week, rediscovering the Firesign Theatre.
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pugetopolis
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« Reply #86 on: August 29, 2007, 04:42:31 PM »

Me too. When I listen to Firesign Theater’s “I Think We’re All Bozos on the Bus” and “Don’t Crush That Dwarf, Hand Me the Pliers—it reminds me of the Opera Forum over in the NYTimes. What a bunch of clowns.
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“Other people's obsessions
are more often funny than tragic.”
—Vincent Canby, The New York Times
karlhenning
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« Reply #87 on: August 30, 2007, 08:42:48 AM »

It's been a great pleasure to find how well Bride of Firesign stands up to their "classic" material.
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pugetopolis
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« Reply #88 on: August 30, 2007, 04:18:33 PM »

It's been a great pleasure to find how well Bride of Firesign stands up to their "classic" material.

Ah, the best of both worlds, karl.

You can be a hoity-toity snot over there in that crummy NYTimes Opera Forum.

And over here in Elba...you can be elitist too.

Please tell the NYTimes to go straight to hell for me, won't you please?
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“Other people's obsessions
are more often funny than tragic.”
—Vincent Canby, The New York Times
karlhenning
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« Reply #89 on: August 31, 2007, 11:58:53 AM »

Carry your own water.
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