Escape from Elba
Exiles of the New York Times
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Author Topic: Comedy  (Read 6694 times)
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madupont
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« Reply #165 on: November 29, 2007, 11:18:59 AM »

Mailer Scoops Bad Sex Award from the Grave

http://www.thefirstpost.co.uk/index.php?news=people&issueID=431&itemID=7965
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ponderosa
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« Reply #166 on: November 29, 2007, 01:06:13 PM »


"Mailer's temper and penchant for violence were legendary; he frequently engaged in both mental and physical brawls with his contemporaries, and stabbed his second wife, Adele Morales, with a penknife at a party in 1960."

Dang. Who did he think he was? Paul Verlaine?
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nytempsperdu
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« Reply #167 on: December 01, 2007, 06:57:59 PM »

The seven dwarfs always left to go work in the mine early each morning. As always, Snow White stayed home doing her domestic chores. As lunchtime approached, she would prepare their lunch and carry it to the mine.

One day as she arrived at the mine with the lunch, she saw that there had been a terrible cave-in. Tearfully, and fearing the worst, Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope that the dwarfs had somehow survived.

"Hello, hello!" she shouted. "Can anyone hear me? Hello!"

For a long while, there was no answer. Losing hope, Snow White again shouted, "Hello! Is anyone down there?"

Just as she was about to give up all hope, there came a faint voice from deep within the mine.

"Vote for Rudy, Vote for Rudy."

Snow White fell to her knees, crossed herself and prayed, "Oh, thank you, God! At least Dopey is still alive."

(Adapt at will to fit your own political anti-preferences.)
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Kam
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« Reply #168 on: December 06, 2007, 06:33:05 PM »

 A 6 year-old and 4 year-old are upstairs in their bedroom.
 "You Know what?" says the 6 year-old. "I think it's about time we started cussing".
 The 4 year-old nods his head in approval.
 The 6 year-old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with 'hell' and you say something with 'ass'.
 The 4 year-old agrees with enthusiasm.
 When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year-old what he wants for breakfast, he replies,"Aw hell Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."
 WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. She locks him in his room and shouts,"You can stay in there until I let you out."
 She then comes back downstairs, Looks at the 4 year-old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
 "I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios.
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You know when, like, you're little, your dad, you think he's Superman. Then when you grow up and realize he's just a regular guy who wears a cape.
-Dave Attell
elportenito1
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« Reply #169 on: December 10, 2007, 08:14:50 AM »

A man is test-driving his brand new expensive sport car down a country road when far ahead he faintly sees a cowboy standing on the edge of the road with a cow next to him. As he approaches the cowboy and his cow, he notices the cowboy is asking for a lift.

The driver stops and the cowboy gets into the car, the driver asks if the cow will stay there, on the road risking being killed by a passing car or truck, the cowboy answers that there's nothing to worry about, as the cow knows the way and will follow the car to the next town, where the cowboy is going to.

The driver starts accelerating, and the cow follows at the same speed, he rises  the speed another 30 miles, and the cow is firmly there, the driver can't believe his eyes.
 As driver reaches now 80 miles an hour,  he can see  in the mirror the cow with her tongue  sticking out. With a satisfied smile, the driver tells the cowboy: "it seems your cow is geting a bit tired, her tongue is sticking out", the cowboy asks: "to the right ot to the left?", the man looks in the mirror again and says in wonderment: "...to the right...".

" Well, then let her overtake you, she's signaling to you, can't you see?", sais the cowboy.
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in vino veritas
ponderosa
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« Reply #170 on: December 10, 2007, 06:30:34 PM »

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmAm8GNJ_IA
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madupont
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« Reply #171 on: December 15, 2007, 12:37:19 PM »

http://crackle.com/c/High_Wire/Mrs_hughes_skewed_views/2041059#vt=1
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MrUtley3
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« Reply #172 on: December 15, 2007, 11:52:18 PM »

Guy walks into a bar and orders a drink, then leans over to the bartender and says, "I need some HGH or some Steroids. Got any?"

Bartender says, "No".

For the next half hour the guy drinks and then regales customers with stories from his days playing "pro ball".

He pays his tab and leaves and another patron, "Remarks. Wow, that guy had so many baseball stories, you'd think he was Cy Young!"

The bartender says, "Cy Young. No! He's Roger Clemens!"

And that's no joke.
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"That guy over there played with Ty Cobb," said Phillies bench coach Jimy Williams, pointing to Chase Utley. "He's been here before."  quoted in the Boston Globe
Urethra_Franklin
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« Reply #173 on: December 18, 2007, 03:13:12 AM »

Lame
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"Indeed I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just."



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obertray
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« Reply #174 on: December 19, 2007, 05:21:36 PM »

So they had a fire at the White House Campus today.....

Apparently, someone left the door to Dick Cheney's underground bunker open.
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Kam
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« Reply #175 on: January 03, 2008, 03:28:48 PM »

Earle: You got any new years resolutions?

Steve: My biggest problem is disciplining myself.  Last year I paid a large Dutch woman to do it but that got expensive.

Earle:  Was she like, your drill seargent, was she rough on you?

Steve:  She was, bi and large.

Earle: I um empathize man.. really.

Steve: I'm more of a breast man myself.
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You know when, like, you're little, your dad, you think he's Superman. Then when you grow up and realize he's just a regular guy who wears a cape.
-Dave Attell
barton
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« Reply #176 on: January 16, 2008, 12:44:29 PM »

LOL!

This isn't really a joke, but it concerns Garrison Keillor and it is just plain weird:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/16/us/16keillor.html?ref=us

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Lhoffman
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« Reply #177 on: January 16, 2008, 12:49:48 PM »

Too bad that article didn't include photos of the neighborhood...or at least of the two houses in dispute.  Would have made the story considerably more or considerable less weird.
« Last Edit: January 16, 2008, 12:52:02 PM by Lhoffman » Logged
Kam
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« Reply #178 on: January 16, 2008, 03:10:12 PM »

Three Italian nuns go to heaven, and God says, "You've been so amazing, I'm going to send you back as anyone you want." Nun No. 1 says, "I want to go back as Brigitte Bardot." God says, "Granted," and sends her back to earth. Nun No. 2 says, "I want to go back as Gina Lollobrigida." And God says, "Have a great time," and sends her back down. The third nun says, "I want to go back as Sahara Pip-a-leeni!" And God says, "Who's that?" And she pulls out a newspaper that reads, “Sahara Pipeline Line Laid by 230 Men.”
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You know when, like, you're little, your dad, you think he's Superman. Then when you grow up and realize he's just a regular guy who wears a cape.
-Dave Attell
Kam
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« Reply #179 on: January 16, 2008, 03:11:14 PM »

Frank was excited about his new rifle, and decided to try bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.
The black bear said, "That was my cousin, and you have got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex." After considering it briefly, Frank decided to accede to the latter alternative.

Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it.

There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a huge mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you have got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex."

Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate.

Although he survived, it would take several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods and he managed to track down the grizzly and shoot it.

He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear said, "Admit it, Frank. You don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

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You know when, like, you're little, your dad, you think he's Superman. Then when you grow up and realize he's just a regular guy who wears a cape.
-Dave Attell
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