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Exiles of the New York Times
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Author Topic: Comedy  (Read 9883 times)
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obertray
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« Reply #180 on: January 16, 2008, 05:09:35 PM »

2nd one well told. 1st... not so much.

It's more condensed than the way we used to tell it back in high school. We had three italian guy talking about who they'd lay and then the headline was "It Takes 350 Men 500 Days To Lay Virgina Pipline".
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madupont
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« Reply #181 on: January 16, 2008, 07:20:42 PM »

LOL!

This isn't really a joke, but it concerns Garrison Keillor and it is just plain weird:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/16/us/16keillor.html?ref=us



As Garrison Keillor has been trying to tell you "low" these many years, People are different in Minnesota; it even starts on the other side of the river in the little town of Gays Mills where Betty Munson has a sister. He may have lived in New York temporarily, even the couple who went to New Zealand may have stopped there on their way through but Historic Preservation is more important in Minnesota than it is in either Manhattan or New Orleans for that matter. How would you like Brad Pitt for your architect?  They haven't caught up yet to understanding that saving those Scandinavian style treatments up at the ends of the roof on each side of the "Georgian" house is not that important as  not pulling rank on the neighbours as to who is in a higher or lower income bracket, who is more ostentatious, who is more well-known, even in New Zealand....?  You see, I learned only this morning, either Princeton Univ.Press or California Press sent me a book notice, as they do, of a book which informed me that Historic Preservation is just a code word kind of like when some woman in Immigration forum accused me of living in a "gated community". Now, if only Keillor and the Vacationers lived in one of those, they wouldn't be bothering the city hall about who is building and blocking out the other's light, and air space, or who likes what view and was trying to look into Keillor's windows, and how the heck did he water his lawn, now I ask you?
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madupont
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« Reply #182 on: January 16, 2008, 07:40:23 PM »

2nd one well told. 1st... not so much.

It's more condensed than the way we used to tell it back in high school. We had three italian guy talking about who they'd lay and then the headline was "It Takes 350 Men 500 Days To Lay Virgina Pipline".


You haven't met elportenito1, yet, have you?
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Kam
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« Reply #183 on: January 17, 2008, 03:18:52 PM »

An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car.
As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but you were speeding." "Can I see your driver's license?"

She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper, and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.

Up and down the halls she goes again. Again, the same old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but I saw you cross over the center line back there." "Can I see your registration please?"

She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.

She zooms off again up and down the halls weaving all over. As she comes to the old man's room again he jumps out. He's stark naked and has an erection!

The old lady in the wheel chair looks up and says, "Oh no-not the Breathalyzer again!"
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Urethra_Franklin
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« Reply #184 on: January 17, 2008, 03:24:55 PM »

A masked man walked into a sperm bank, pulled out a gun, and told the secretary that this was a stick up and to open the safe.

The secretary replied, "You fucking idiot, this is a sperm bank, there's no money here!!"

The masked man insisted that if she did not open the safe he would shoot her on the spot. Reluctantly, she opened the safe and stood back. There in the open safe were two vials of sperm.

The robber pointed his gun at the two vials and ordered the secretary to drink them both or he would blow her head off.

When she had finished drinking the second vial the robber took off his mask. There stood her husband with a grin on his face!!

"See Doris", he said. "that didn't kill you, did it?!"
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ponderosa
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« Reply #185 on: January 17, 2008, 04:27:45 PM »

Joke is in yellow.

What does a stripper do with her asshole before she goes to work?
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Drops him off at band practice.
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Kam
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« Reply #186 on: January 17, 2008, 05:28:32 PM »

hehe nice one. ponderosa...  reminds me of :

Wife is lying in bed and the husband walks in the room with animal under his arm.

husband says: " Honey, I want you to meet the pig I have been having sex with!"

Wife: " You stupid Phuch, thats not a pig its a sheep!"

Husband says: "I wasn't talking to you!"
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You know when, like, you're little, your dad, you think he's Superman. Then when you grow up and realize he's just a regular guy who wears a cape.
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nytempsperdu
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« Reply #187 on: January 17, 2008, 11:24:35 PM »

Funny, ponderosa's reminded me of:

Q: What do you call a drummer who breaks up with his girlfriend?

A: Homeless.
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ponderosa
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« Reply #188 on: January 18, 2008, 05:51:11 AM »

Can't help but think of Gene Wilder...

Dr Doug Ross: This is Mrs. Bencours, one of my patients. She thinks she's a sheep!
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ponderosa
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« Reply #189 on: January 18, 2008, 05:53:06 AM »

And for all the work that drummers do they get little respect.  :'(
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ponderosa
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« Reply #190 on: January 18, 2008, 09:24:26 AM »

Redneck power windows

http://my.break.com/content/view.aspx?ContentID=431414
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nytempsperdu
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« Reply #191 on: January 21, 2008, 03:29:49 PM »

Quote
And for all the work that drummers do they get little respect. 

'Tis true, ponderosa.  Woodstock was on the tube the other night, and I still think Santana's drummer turned in the best performance of the lot, and yet I have no idea who that fellow was.  Shame on me.

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MrUtley3
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« Reply #192 on: January 24, 2008, 03:51:04 PM »

And for all the work that drummers do they get little respect.  :'(

So, you're at a party with a lot of musicians. Which one's the drummer?

The one delivering the pizza.
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ponderosa
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« Reply #193 on: January 25, 2008, 07:22:36 AM »

 A Priest, a Rabbi, and a duck walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "What is this, some kind of a joke?"

« Last Edit: January 25, 2008, 07:24:50 AM by ponderosa » Logged
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« Reply #194 on: January 25, 2008, 12:25:15 PM »

John Kerry walks into a bar.  Bartender says, "hey, why the long face?"

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"History doesn't repeat itself, but it often rhymes."
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