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Exiles of the New York Times
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Author Topic: Comedy  (Read 8190 times)
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ponderosa
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« Reply #315 on: March 25, 2008, 07:15:14 PM »

Added later, The stack is called the Si Stebbins stack http://www.expertvillage.com/video/14734_sistebbins-setup.htm and the classic start would be Clubs then hearts spades diamonds..  Mine still works and would work if I just shifted the spades to clubs  etc (that's the beauty of a stacked deck) The video also says that this stack is the classic.

Way over my head, brother. Didn't even realize that a stacked deck had a sequence and that there were different types of stacked decks. I thought a stacked deck was one that contained an extra Ace o' Spades or two.
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obertray
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« Reply #316 on: March 26, 2008, 08:42:19 AM »

Added later, The stack is called the Si Stebbins stack http://www.expertvillage.com/video/14734_sistebbins-setup.htm and the classic start would be Clubs then hearts spades diamonds..  Mine still works and would work if I just shifted the spades to clubs  etc (that's the beauty of a stacked deck) The video also says that this stack is the classic.

Way over my head, brother. Didn't even realize that a stacked deck had a sequence and that there were different types of stacked decks. I thought a stacked deck was one that contained an extra Ace o' Spades or two.

Man1: Do you know the difference between a toilet and a sink?

Man 2: No

Man1: Then you're not coming over to my house!
 Ba dum bump

Man1: Do you know the difference between a hot dog and a man's penis?

Blond girl: No

Man1: Let's go to my place for lunch!
 Heahooooooo!

Ponderosa 1: Didn't even realize that a stacked deck had a sequence

Obertray: Want to play some poker?
(insert laugh track here)

No but seriously folks!

Yeah no doubt that the first answer is a bear, that's kinda what I liked about it though, that the clues got easier and easier. If he's alone, then, well everybody knows solitaire is the card game for the solitary.

One could make an elaborate scoring card for the puzzle like you get 100 ponts if you answer the top question without going down to the next questions and you lose points for each question you go down before answering the top one. Then you get points for each lower question you get right .....

Very geeky though...Guilty.
« Last Edit: March 26, 2008, 10:51:55 AM by obertray » Logged
ponderosa
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« Reply #317 on: March 26, 2008, 10:32:19 AM »

Abby: Didn't your mama ever teach you to wash your hands after peein'?

Ray: Nah, my daddy taught me not to piss on my fingers.
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MrUtley3
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« Reply #318 on: March 26, 2008, 03:58:04 PM »

Airplane food is known to have its effects, but this is ridiculous!

http://www.eontarionow.com/national/2008/03/24/jet-diverted-to-calgary-due-to-odour/
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barton
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« Reply #319 on: March 27, 2008, 01:53:36 PM »

I'd be okay if the airlines stopped serving food of any kind, on any flight, ever -- and passed along the savings to me.  The notion that a human body cannot go for a few hours without food is ridiculous.   If I'm hypoglycemic or something like that, I'll tuck a bag of nuts or a banana in my pocket or whatever.  Think of the savings -- fewer staff, less weight, shorter fuselage (no galley needed), and quieter rides (if there's no food to bitch about, cabin chatter would drop 50%).


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"History doesn't repeat itself, but it often rhymes."
MrUtley3
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« Reply #320 on: March 27, 2008, 03:55:44 PM »

I'd be okay if the airlines stopped serving food of any kind, on any flight, ever -- and passed along the savings to me.  The notion that a human body cannot go for a few hours without food is ridiculous.   If I'm hypoglycemic or something like that, I'll tuck a bag of nuts or a banana in my pocket or whatever.  Think of the savings -- fewer staff, less weight, shorter fuselage (no galley needed), and quieter rides (if there's no food to bitch about, cabin chatter would drop 50%).




and that would mean less carbon dioxide, and improved air quality. I think you're on to something, here...
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obertray
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« Reply #321 on: March 27, 2008, 05:06:21 PM »

I just flew in from Nebraska. Man are my arms tired!

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whiskeypriest
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« Reply #322 on: March 28, 2008, 09:54:50 AM »

I'd be okay if the airlines stopped serving food of any kind, on any flight, ever -- and passed along the savings to me.  The notion that a human body cannot go for a few hours without food is ridiculous.   If I'm hypoglycemic or something like that, I'll tuck a bag of nuts or a banana in my pocket or whatever.  Think of the savings -- fewer staff, less weight, shorter fuselage (no galley needed), and quieter rides (if there's no food to bitch about, cabin chatter would drop 50%).



Well, they pretty much have on domestic flights, unless you are in first class, in which case your are either paying for the privilege and damn well are going to eat.  Or you are an airline employee on an upgrade.  In which case... you damn well are going to eat.  "They took my farking pension, I'm taking their farking food!"
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Urethra_Franklin
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« Reply #323 on: March 28, 2008, 03:43:52 PM »

I'd be okay if the airlines stopped serving food of any kind, on any flight, ever -- and passed along the savings to me.  The notion that a human body cannot go for a few hours without food is ridiculous.   If I'm hypoglycemic or something like that, I'll tuck a bag of nuts or a banana in my pocket or whatever.  Think of the savings -- fewer staff, less weight, shorter fuselage (no galley needed), and quieter rides (if there's no food to bitch about, cabin chatter would drop 50%).




and that would mean less carbon dioxide, and improved air quality. I think you're on to something, here...

lol
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ponderosa
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« Reply #324 on: March 28, 2008, 04:21:10 PM »

Guy calls his buddy the horse rancher and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse. His buddy asks "How will I recognize him?"

"That's easy. He's a midget with a speech impediment."

So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.

"A female horth." So he shows him a prized filly.

"Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth?" So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.

"Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?" So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.

"Nith earzth, can I see her mouf?" The rancher is gettin'pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.

"Nice mouf, can I see her twat?" Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's twat, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.

"Perhapth I should rephrathe that; Can I thee her wun awound a widdle bit"?
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kitinkaboodle
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« Reply #325 on: March 28, 2008, 04:23:45 PM »

Whoa! 
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ponderosa
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« Reply #326 on: March 28, 2008, 04:30:01 PM »

Neigh.
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obertray
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« Reply #327 on: March 28, 2008, 05:59:02 PM »

So a young fellow is looking to marry the girl but there's just one little problem...

The girl's got a little sister. I don't mean little, little I mean a fully growed little sister.

Everytime he's over at the house, little sis is there, she likes to wear cutoff jeans cut to where the pockets end, and God only knows what is holding that halter top from bursting, it probably just like holdin on too much to let go!

Whenever she's near she's all the time dropping things in front of him and bending over to pick it up! Sometimes she turns around and bends at the waist, sometime she'll look him in the eye and then bend her knees so that her head drops down as she reaching for the item she dropped. However she does it, he's treated to dewy scenery!

He notices that she never does this when there are other people around!

Well, what can he do? He loves her older sister, what she gives up in looks, she makes up in dowry!

It's a week before the wedding, and he has to go to the house to get the, well something!

He get's there and nobody's home... except for "little Sis"

"Oh Leroy! I just knew we'd find time to be together!"

"Huh?"

"Don't be shy, Leroy, you know I've wanted you from the very first! Now we can finally do it! One hot time  before you marry my sister and we can never be together again! Come upstairs with me, won't you please, Leroy!"

She started up the stairs and Leroy didn't hestitae for even one second! He turned around and headed right out the front door!

Outside there was every member of his fiancee's family! They started into clapping and shouting and back slapping and congratulating Leroy. "You did it son, you passed the test, we couldn't have asked for a better man to marry our daughter!"







And the moral of this story: Always keep your condoms in the car!

« Last Edit: March 28, 2008, 06:01:14 PM by obertray » Logged
barton
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« Reply #328 on: March 29, 2008, 11:11:31 AM »

The midget joke has give me a mental picture I can honestly say I've never encountered before.  LOL. 

Re the condom joke -- wouldn't Leroy say, "Hang on, I'll be right back!" or similar? 

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elportenito1
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« Reply #329 on: March 30, 2008, 08:25:12 AM »

Oh please, Barton. Leroy's joke was the bestest of them two.
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in vino veritas
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