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Exiles of the New York Times
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Author Topic: Comedy  (Read 6538 times)
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elportenito1
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« Reply #375 on: May 27, 2008, 09:19:03 AM »

What's going on here?..this used to be a good "place" to be. Funny. Only a very few posts since the 24th April?...why?....where have all the funny Americans gone?....only Hillary left?

Should I start telling Australian jokes?....you wouldn't want that. So think about it again. Bring in the clowns
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MrUtley3
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« Reply #376 on: May 29, 2008, 11:54:50 AM »

PHILADELPHIA (A&P--Faux News) - H.J. Heinz Co. on Thursday posted a 7.2 percent increase in fourth- quarter profit as price increases partially offset higher commodity costs. The foodmaker also boosted its dividend.
 
For the year, earnings rose to $844.9 million, or $2.63 a share, from $785.8 million, or $2.36 a share, a year earlier. Annual sales rose by 12 percent to $10.1 billion from $9.1 billion in the previous year.

Heinz also reported that much of their sales increased as ketchup is used to give the appearance of blood, and Quentin Tarantino had a new movie he was working producing and directing.
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"That guy over there played with Ty Cobb," said Phillies bench coach Jimy Williams, pointing to Chase Utley. "He's been here before."  quoted in the Boston Globe
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« Reply #377 on: May 29, 2008, 11:59:09 AM »

LONDON (A&P Faux News) - entertainmentminute Naomi Campbell has been charged with assaulting two police officers during an alleged luggage rage incident at Heathrow Airport, her lawyer and prosecutors said Thursday.

The 38-year-old supermodel was charged when she reported to Heathrow police station to answer bail over the April 3 fracas, lawyer Simon Nicholls said.

The Crown Prosecution Service said Campbell faced six charges—three counts of assaulting a constable, two counts of using threatening, abusive words or behavior to the cabin crew and one count of disorderly conduct. Police said the assault charges related to two officers.

 Campbell was removed from the plane and held for eight hours at the airport police station before being released on bail.

She arrived at the police station Thursday in a chauffeur-driven Mercedes. She left without speaking, but her lawyer said the supermodel was "bitterly disappointed" that she had been charged. Even more so, she was "outraged" since officials had refused to strip search her which caused her "undue anxiety" as she is consumed with worry that officers refused to strip search  thinking she was fa, or in fact, not a woman.
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"That guy over there played with Ty Cobb," said Phillies bench coach Jimy Williams, pointing to Chase Utley. "He's been here before."  quoted in the Boston Globe
MrUtley3
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« Reply #378 on: May 29, 2008, 12:03:17 PM »

Los Angeles (A & P Faux News) Hollywood star Sharon Stone has apologized for suggesting China's earthquake was bad "karma" for its handling of Tibet, but Christian Dior on Thursday dropped her from its local ads amid a public uproar.

The 50-year-old US actress offered to help with relief efforts after the May 12 quake that killed nearly 70,000 people, in an effort to smooth over tensions sparked by her controversial comments at the Cannes Film Festival last week.

"My erroneous words and deeds angered and saddened the Chinese people, and I sincerely apologize for this," she said in a statement issued by Dior China and sent to AFP on Thursday.

"I'm willing to participate in any earthquake relief activity and to do my utmost to help Chinese people affected by the disaster," she added.

"As such I am willing to auction off my thong to the highest bidder, as soon as I actually purchase one and wear it," the fading, one-trick-pony of an actress remarked.
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"That guy over there played with Ty Cobb," said Phillies bench coach Jimy Williams, pointing to Chase Utley. "He's been here before."  quoted in the Boston Globe
pugetopolis
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« Reply #379 on: June 01, 2008, 02:04:53 AM »



If men designed the bra.
« Last Edit: June 01, 2008, 02:18:43 AM by pugetopolis » Logged

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« Reply #380 on: June 01, 2008, 02:16:52 AM »



The Panic Button
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pugetopolis
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« Reply #381 on: June 01, 2008, 02:21:29 AM »



Moo-Shoe Pork
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pugetopolis
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« Reply #382 on: June 01, 2008, 02:24:59 AM »



Streaker Chase
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« Reply #383 on: June 01, 2008, 02:32:23 AM »


(for Madupont)

Hairy Bra
« Last Edit: June 01, 2008, 06:23:16 PM by pugetopolis » Logged

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« Reply #384 on: June 01, 2008, 02:39:06 AM »



Campaign Trail Boozers
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« Reply #385 on: June 01, 2008, 02:46:23 AM »



jbottle sobering up
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« Reply #386 on: June 01, 2008, 02:49:52 AM »



Elportenito’s latest invention
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elportenito1
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« Reply #387 on: June 01, 2008, 09:58:41 AM »

florianopolis: The invention of those "magic" spectacles, the dream of every puber, is already reality.

At the airports they've got this device which allows them to see thru clothing, they say is not THAT accurate to show anathomic "features" but I bet if its good enough to see what's underneath clothes, some fun surely will be had.
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MrUtley3
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« Reply #388 on: June 02, 2008, 02:27:42 PM »

Real Life Mistakes were made.


MIDDLETOWN, Pa. (AP) -- A computer spell-checker run amok christened several Pennsylvania high school students with new - and in some cases unflattering - last names.
Middletown Area High School's yearbook listed Max Zupanovic as "Max Supernova," Kathy Carbaugh as "Kathy Airbag" and Alessandra Ippolito as "Alexandria Impolite," just to name a few.
"It was kind of funny, but kind of rude at the same time," Ippolito said.
The mistakes were found on four of the yearbook's 176 pages, co-editor Amanda Gummo said.

 
http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/O/ODD_YEARBOOK_MISTAKES?SITE=NJMOR&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2008-06-02-12-31-53
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"That guy over there played with Ty Cobb," said Phillies bench coach Jimy Williams, pointing to Chase Utley. "He's been here before."  quoted in the Boston Globe
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« Reply #389 on: June 08, 2008, 02:09:03 PM »

The ant says to the elephant: "let's have sex", the elephant blushing replyes: I'm sorry, but again I forgot the condoms. The ant starts to crye: That's not true...you don't love me any more!. The Elephant stamps the ground with his foot, and asks: Did the ground move for you too?, to which the ant angry replyes: That wasn't funny, you know?
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