This is from a classmate of my son who was a year ahead of him at St. Albans... he was also not a scion of Beltway Masters of the Universe.
”The topic of this long post is Rape Culture at all-boys Prep schools in the context of current events.
I've withheld my opinion on the Kavanaugh accusation because it’s salacious at best and terrible at worst--the issue that is, not my opinion. But I've seen many people talk about how hard it is to lend credence to Professor Ford's accusation that she was sexually assaulted by Judge Kavanaugh in high school. Much of this revolves around the fact that Judge Kavanaugh does not appear to be a monster, and did not appear to be a monster back in the day. Unlike Ted Cruz, he was well-liked in school! Since the accusation was made public, people have rushed to throw Kavanaugh or Professor Ford under the bus, and the stakes are high, so I get it. And given how nasty people are in general, I get it. That's why this post isn't a speculation on whether he did it or not.
Instead, I want to try to describe how widespread and socially acceptable monstrous, abusive behavior is in a privileged, all-male learning environment--or was back in the early 2000s. Many of you didn't attend all-boy schools, and many of you didn't attend a school where just about everyone benefitted from generational wealth--old money. And while I won't name names, I'll briefly recount the sexual assaults I witnessed or heard of, none of which have shown consequences for the perpetrators, all of whom I could see on LinkedIn today to confirm that they're professionally successful. Keep in mind, I was in the choir, and had strict parents. I didn't go to parties until junior year--which means, had I been Kavanaugh's classmate, I wasn't even drinking until one year after this alleged assault occurred. But I went to enough parties to know what happened at those parties. A whole lot of sexual assault and bad decisions happened. My small graduating class was finally divided over the conduct of many of my classmates; my friends preferred to party in the park, in small groups, because whether we knew it or not something was deeply wrong with the party culture. In the words of Demitrice Glover, "too many of those dudes treated Lord of the Flies as a How-To."
None of the following instances were reported to authorities. I doubt parents heard either. Most of them involved alcohol. All took place within two years in high school. This is the tip of the iceberg. (Remember, I was only marginally in the blackout-drunk party scene, thanks Mom.)
First off, an incredibly jovial, nice, popular guy rubbed his exposed genitals on a girls' face in front of numerous witnesses at a party.
A friend of mine woke up at a party on a couch, surrounded by people. Her boyfriend was on top of her, pinning her to the couch and trying to get her clothes off. She said people watched and did nothing until she yelled at him to stop, when he got pissy for embarrassing her.
A friend woke up, having passed out drunk, with a girl on top of him, trying to take HIS clothes off.
Another friend got a ride home from a mutual friend as I said goodbye to them. She called the next day because she had been black-out drunk, and did I remember who she got a ride home with, because she's got bruises on her arms and neck, and her shirt was torn.
Two guys I knew, but weren't friends with, were loudly discussing how to roofie a girlfriend so that she wouldn't detect it--discussing how much beer she should have before they sneak the pill. The next day at Sam's Bar there was bragging about the conquest, including that she was passed out so he could do whatever he wanted.
A student slapped another boy with his dick in the middle of the goddamn library.
A friend of a friend asked if she could pass out in the room I was staying in at a friend's party. I took it as flirting, but she clarified that she was drunk and she didn't want to sleep somewhere people thought she'd be alone.
On chorale tour, a group of boy seniors convinced a freshman girl to come drink in their room. Thankfully, one of the seniors--who I have always respected as a truly great guy--sniffed that this was a terrible, no-good, very-bad idea and sent the freshman on her way. Don't know what the outcome would have been otherwise, but it doesn't take much imagination.
In none of these cases were the individuals involved a loner, or a loser, or someone who would typically be considered likely to engage in antisocial, abusive behavior. But at schools like Prep and St. Albans, the hypermasculinity propels the student culture to dizzying heights of brutality. Some of these guys are now quite powerful, successful men. One sent a fundraising letter on behalf of the school a few years ago.
I am not posting this to suggest that we assume Kavanaugh is guilty. Rather, I'm posting it because people seem to immediately dismiss the accuser's story because Bretty was such a cool dude.
Well, I went to school with these cool dudes and I will aver that a good portion of them were rapey as all hell, that the culture afforded them the luxury of no consequences, and that in many cases parents and school officials unwittingly (wittingly?) enabled the culture to thrive. And for you STA parents and alums who may see this, yes I'm talking about that nice young man in your boy's grade. I'm talking about that friend who always had an extra buck for a donut at Sam's. I'm talking about prefects. I'm talking about vestry. I'm talking about artists. I'm talking about nerds. I'm talking about jocks.
Call me out for doing nothing back then. Call me out for contributing to the culture through inaction. But please also, disregard each and every vignette and anecdote that reflects Brett Kavanaugh's goodness as a person in the context of the veracity of Professor Ford's accusation. Because I thought many of the people I've described above were "good," before and in some cases AFTER I'd heard or seen what took place. And a million mitzvahs do not undo rape in any case.