Escape from Elba

Health => Parenting => Topic started by: Admin on April 16, 2007, 08:53:20 PM



Title: Parenting
Post by: Admin on April 16, 2007, 08:53:20 PM
Share parenting advice with your peers.


Title: Re: Parenting
Post by: TrojanHorse on May 22, 2007, 10:46:30 AM
Well at 48 years of age, I've just found out that i'm going to be a daddy one more time.  time to pull out all those old books and find some new ones.

I do actually have a couple of really good parenting books that were recommended by child therapists.  I'll dig them out and post them if there is anyone that might be interested.


Title: Re: Parenting
Post by: liquidsilver on May 22, 2007, 10:48:13 AM
Congratulations! -- I think.


Title: Re: Parenting
Post by: TrojanHorse on May 22, 2007, 10:59:08 AM
uh...yes... thank you ... I think.

I feel a bit like Steve Martin in Father of the Bride.

I told my wife, I'll be the only 70 year old watching my child graduate from high school.

Oh well, it keeps you young I suppose.


Title: Re: Parenting
Post by: TrojanHorse on May 22, 2007, 04:02:10 PM
Very hearty congrats, TrojanHorse!  (but should your screen name really involve the name of a condom? ;-))

How old is the young'un-to-be's nearest sibling?  My 2 are 26 years apart--a generation by some reckonings--and I'll be approaching 70 when my younger one graduates from college.  And oh yeah, I'm the mom.   

Wow...well your accomplshment is definitely greater than mine. 

My oldest is 17, but from a different mom (passed away).  We actually thought we were getting a late start back then...

The other child is 5 now.  This mom is 37 currently.


Title: Re: Parenting
Post by: TrojanHorse on May 30, 2007, 07:14:11 PM
Now if you can just get the teenage boys to have to carry it around with them...


Title: Re: Parenting
Post by: weezo on May 31, 2007, 10:23:58 PM
NYTemp,

That project was a mid-spring event at Nottoway, and it was always fun to see where the kids would stuff their sack of flour. When they'd put "Baby" on the rack under their seat, I'd point out that that was no way to treat a baby, and make them move it to the top of the desk, or, if they were doing something that took a lot of space, I'd let them lay the babies on the back table. To be effective, EVERYONE in the building has to get into it, including the sports coaches and the janitorial staff (Babies get forgotten in the restroom!). It is really more fun for the adults than for the students.





Title: Re: Parenting
Post by: TrojanHorse on June 01, 2007, 12:06:13 PM
I heard on the news this morning that an 18 month old boy was killed by crawling into a dishwasher that was set to automatically turn on when closed.

His older brother found him.

Everyone should walk through their house this weekend trying to think about deathtraps like this that aren't obvious...


Title: Re: Parenting
Post by: weezo on June 01, 2007, 02:25:16 PM
NY Temps,

What delightful articles. I know children who are adopted reach a point where many want to find out who their birth parents are/were, but I am surprised that the children of donors would also have the same urge. Perhaps there is a biological need to know one's parents even if one is living with a wonderful pair of nurturing parents already. The unknown never ceases to call!


Title: Re: Parenting
Post by: weezo on June 04, 2007, 01:37:24 PM
I see lots of problems with kids finding out that their father is a "free-spirit" without a sense of responsibility. But, I don't think that realization is limited to kids of sperm donors. I see a lot of it with men who deposit their sperm in the old-fashioned way, and then walk away. We need to somehow return respectability and responsibility to fatherhood. It has become a "aha, look what I can do" sorta sum-zero game for quite some time.


Title: Re: Parenting
Post by: TrojanHorse on June 04, 2007, 05:26:26 PM
I see lots of problems with kids finding out that their father is a "free-spirit" without a sense of responsibility.

I eulogized my "step" father this past week and this was actually a big part of the topic.  He stepped up for the family when the biological father ran away to Canada and never looked back.

It is harder to show discipline and do what is best for the family rather than doing what feels good for you personally all the time.  But this is what ultimately builds a stronger family and fabric for that matter...


Title: Fire
Post by: Dzimas on June 06, 2007, 10:30:07 AM
Speaking of deathtraps, it was sobering to watch an Explorer episode on house fires, and how by the time a smoke detector comes on, smoke has already engulfed the room.  It takes about 5 minutes for a bedroom to burn.  Sprinklers were little help as well, as the heat in the room was close to 200 F before they went on. 


Title: Re: Parenting
Post by: madupont on June 07, 2007, 10:06:35 AM
Trojanhorse,

Not to worry.  I have known a number of people, one (a poet) in particular, who had to have time to establish themselves, before becoming a father at some point in their forties. (My son seems to be doing a step-fathering rather well, as did one of my brothers.)

Incidentally, I had no idea that the Flour-Sack "baby" was a continuing feature educationally, since I remember my  husband(who died several years ago) telling me about his having introduced this feature, since he was a rather good father himself who was used to that full time responsibility. Often this comes  from being the oldest child, yourself. But, he had also worked as a psychotherapist with children who had been removed from families for whatever reason, when I first met him at the university. Later on when he went into government work for Housing and Urban Development during the Johnson administration, he was alert to this problem of teenage pregnancies becoming out of proportion. The idea began in special classes involving home-economics, and personally, I'd say this was because some urban education decided to take advantage of  the new-fast-food cultural shift by using it as an excuse to vocationally train young people as kitchen workers for employment opportunities in food franchises. 

There were other aspects of the home-economics program, with a concern for the household budget, preparation to understand those factors, discussions about adolescent marriage and fatherhood. Then, the eureka idea of the "baby" who is with you 24 hours per day, came to mind as something that could be experienced by approximation. 

It just never occurred to me that it would still be in practice 30 years later! But, then looking back much further than that, it seems to me that the baby, who had to be with you throughout the day everywhere you went because there were no baby-sitters,  weighed a lot more than that flour-sack until you had a stroller to use while counter-balancing what, a 30-50 pound bag of groceries?             


Title: Re: Parenting
Post by: TrojanHorse on June 19, 2007, 12:33:09 AM
:)


Title: Re: Parenting
Post by: thecap0 on June 25, 2007, 04:01:17 AM
thorse,

I told my wife, I'll be the only 70 year old watching my child graduate from high school.

Been there, done that!  Old family tradition among the men in my family.  My grandfather was 50 when my father was born, he was 43 when I was born, and I was 45 when my youngest child (of 5) was born.  I know that I was far more patient with her than I was with the older ones.
ENJOY THE TRIP!


Title: Re: Parenting
Post by: incadove0 on June 25, 2007, 05:06:12 AM
Ditto on what the Cap0 says.  Father in the grandparent generation, wouldn't have had it any other way.  Many benefits for the offspring.


Title: Re: Parenting
Post by: TrojanHorse on June 25, 2007, 11:07:31 AM
I'm warming up to it.  I have a 5 year old already (along with the 17 yr old from an earlier marriage).

I think there is a personal selfishness that needs to be over come, but I'm pretty much there...It's hard to beat the look of a little one when they are happy and adoring your attention. 

and you are right, you are more patient and better able to teach them when you are a bit more mature...


Title: Re: Parenting
Post by: barton on July 06, 2007, 11:55:09 AM
Whatever you do, don't get your child hooked on bacon bits.

Croutons also disrecommended.



Title: Re: Parenting
Post by: TrojanHorse on July 06, 2007, 06:22:55 PM
Whatever you do, don't get your child hooked on bacon bits.

Croutons also disrecommended.



I must be missing something Barton...


Title: Re: Parenting
Post by: thecap0 on July 06, 2007, 06:42:00 PM
nytemps,

More patience, yes, but there may be something of a reduced energy level that has an impact if one's kid likes lots of activity, like sports, with parental participation.

Don't be so hard on yourself, man.  Older dads can contribute wisdom, companionship, and a love of reading and puzzling to their young children that younger parents are far too busy to provide.


Title: Re: Parenting
Post by: incadove0 on July 08, 2007, 04:29:15 AM
When my father was dying in the hospital, he would give advice to all the nurses and doctors, "Enjoy your children," he'd say to one.  To another: "Enjoy your children!"  "Remember to enjoy your children."  Some appreciated these words very much, I think, because it made them stop and think about how busy their day was and how little time they really took and treasured with their offspring.  One lady though looked at him like he crazy -- her eyes seemed to say, who has time???  But it was very sweet for me to see bcause I always knew he'd enjoyed his children - he was fully there in the moment - that was part of what made it enjoyable to be with him - and now he felt he had this accumulated treasure from over time inside that he wanted to share so that others could some of same wonderful experience as himself.  I knew that he had really and fully enjoyed his relationship with each of his children.



Title: Re: Parenting
Post by: TrojanHorse on July 11, 2007, 06:16:21 PM
inca...

The first time I read your post I missed that you were talking about "your" father.  It takes on a whole new meaning when ready the second time...

thanks for sharing this...


Title: Re: Parenting
Post by: weezo on August 01, 2007, 10:05:16 AM
Inca,

It was good of your father to "spread the word" about enjoying childhood when it is there. It is just a fleeting moment in time that one can never recover. I was fortunate in having extra time with my sons as teenagers since I was a college student, and then a new teacher during those years. We were able to develop a close relationship that, for one of my sons, has developed into a closeness in his adult year. I am not as close to the older son, who lives a life that is strange to me, but suits him.


Title: Re: Parenting
Post by: TrojanHorse on September 07, 2007, 08:18:01 PM
The 5 year old started kindergarten yesterday.  My wife called sobbing like a baby herself...  It's her first (and still only)

He looked awfully cute in his little uniform.

How do I post photos anyway?


Title: Re: Parenting
Post by: weezo on September 07, 2007, 10:27:10 PM
Trojan,

Would love to see a picture! I know all about those first days of school traumas (for mothers, and sometimes for the kids!)

To get the picture up, first you have to put it on a website, and figure out the exact link to the picture itself (not the page it is on). Once you do that, click on the second icon in the second row (the one below the italics icon), and you will see a set of brackets in your message. Insert that exact link to the picture between the brackets.

Good luck!


Title: Re: Parenting
Post by: TrojanHorse on September 28, 2007, 07:08:42 PM
Other than work websites, we have never set up a "personal" web-site, so I woudn't have any idea how to post the photo to a web site...