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Author Topic: Comedy  (Read 32790 times)

barton

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Re: Comedy
« Reply #30 on: June 12, 2020, 12:46:43 PM »
A guy is looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library. He asked a girl "Do you mind if I sit beside you?" The girl replied in a loud voice: " NO I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed and moved to another table.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"

The guy then responded in a loud voice: "$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? ... THAT'S TOO MUCH!"

All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.

The guy whispered to her: "I study law, and I know how to screw people".
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barton

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Re: Comedy
« Reply #31 on: July 03, 2020, 11:50:43 AM »
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barton

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Re: Comedy
« Reply #32 on: August 10, 2020, 05:59:50 PM »
A cowboy walked into a bar and ordered a whiskey. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, "Where is everybody?"

The bartender replied, "They've gone to the hanging."

"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"

"Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.

"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked.

"Well," said the bartender, "he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."

"Weird guy," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"

"Rustling," said the bartender.
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Hamilton Samuels

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Re: Comedy
« Reply #33 on: October 10, 2020, 12:01:40 PM »
Redstateward walked into a bar in Dublin, Ohio, sat down and started drinking beer.

He would finish his beer, pull out his wallet and look at a picture of his wife, order another beer, take out his wallet and looks at a picture of his wife.

He repeated this several times until finally the bartender asked him, "Why is that after you finish a beer you take out your wallet and look at a picture of your wife?"

And Red said,  "As soon as she starts looking better to me, I'm going home."
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The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.

barton

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Re: Comedy
« Reply #34 on: January 11, 2021, 07:03:09 PM »


Small language barrier,  or perhaps... mound.
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Kam

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Re: Comedy
« Reply #35 on: January 15, 2021, 10:34:05 PM »
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KP interns for the firm of Tatum and Brown

barton

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Re: Comedy
« Reply #36 on: January 18, 2021, 02:19:05 PM »
Hehe!
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barton

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Re: Comedy
« Reply #37 on: January 28, 2021, 07:09:39 PM »
A man enters a sexy lingerie store to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500 & takes it home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him

Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no dummy): "I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself."

She appears naked and strikes a pose.

The husband says, "Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!"
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Oilcandide

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Re: Comedy
« Reply #38 on: March 13, 2021, 06:43:09 PM »
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Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.   - Terry Pratchett

Oilcandide

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Re: Comedy
« Reply #39 on: April 04, 2021, 11:34:24 AM »
Laughter is the best medicine,  unless you have broken ribs.
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Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.   - Terry Pratchett

Kam

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Re: Comedy
« Reply #40 on: April 11, 2021, 11:12:50 AM »
Quote from: barton on January 11, 2021, 07:03:09 PM


Small language barrier,  or perhaps... mound.

I also just noticed: "Sickers" and "Nickers"
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KP interns for the firm of Tatum and Brown

barton

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Re: Comedy
« Reply #41 on: April 15, 2021, 09:20:04 PM »
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Oilcandide

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Re: i have questions
« Reply #42 on: April 23, 2021, 10:47:05 AM »
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?'

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Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.   - Terry Pratchett

barton

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Re: Dracula - vaccinated and loving it!
« Reply #43 on: May 11, 2021, 11:02:17 AM »
  BUCHAREST (AP) — At Dracula’s castle in picturesque Transylvania, Romanian doctors are offering a jab in the arm rather than a stake through the heart.

A COVID-19 vaccination center has been set up on the periphery of Romania’s Bran Castle, which is purported to be the inspiration behind Dracula’s home in Bram Stoker’s 19th-century gothic novel “Dracula.”

Every weekend through May “vaccination marathons” will be held just outside the storied 14th-century hilltop castle, where no appointment is needed, in an attempt to encourage people to protect themselves against COVID-19.

“We wanted to show people a different way to get the (vaccine) needle,” Alexandru Priscu, the marketing manager at Bran Castle, told The Associated Press.

Those brave enough to get a Pfizer vaccine shot receive a “vaccination diploma,” which is aptly illustrated with a fanged medical worker brandishing a syringe.... 

https://apnews.com/article/europe-entertainment-coronavirus-pandemic-arts-and-entertainment-oddities-366088a94bfe6b69f2f9fe6dce662540
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josh

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Re: Comedy
« Reply #44 on: June 21, 2021, 10:49:07 AM »
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The day Richard Nixon failed to answer that subpoena is the day he was subject to impeachment because he took the power from Congress over the impeachment process away from Congress, and he became the judge and jury." ~Lindsey Graham
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