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Author Topic: Comedy  (Read 10253 times)
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bartolomeo
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« Reply #105 on: September 10, 2007, 11:27:29 AM »

Never been south of Santa Cruz, CA on the west coast.  I remember In and Out Burger chiefly from the movie, The Big Lebowski.  That's a great anecdote....and you sort of figure some kind of joke would inevitably arise from an eatery that calls itself In and Out.  Or, as the young hoodlums call doing the nasty in "A Clockwork Orange," -- "the old in and out."

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"History doesn't repeat itself, but it often rhymes."
ponderosa
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« Reply #106 on: September 10, 2007, 11:47:45 AM »

Or Buscemi in "Fargo".
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ponderosa
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« Reply #107 on: September 10, 2007, 11:49:06 AM »

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttOfqPjwJnA
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elportenito1
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« Reply #108 on: September 11, 2007, 10:29:35 AM »

Sect leader facing rape trial to use faith as his defence

 Ian Munro Herald Correspondent in New York and agencies


September 11, 2007



THE US is both religious and religiously tolerant, but if the nation's founding fathers could have imagined someone like Warren Jeffs, they may not have been so ready to embrace freedom of worship.

Jeffs, 51, the leader of a polygamous Mormon sect, is about to stand trial for being an accomplice to the rape of a 14-year-old girl. He is reputed to have dozens of wives, some inherited from his father.

The girl was married to her 19-year-old cousin in 2001, and the marriage consummated weeks later, all at Jeffs insistence. She will be the principal witness against Jeffs, who took over formal leadership of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints when his father died in 2002.

As the church's leader, or "prophet", Jeffs claims to be in direct contact with God and therefore determines who can marry whom. The girl reportedly twice told Jeffs she did not want to marry or have sex. He is allleged to have told her it was her spiritual duty and that it was sanctioned by God.

In addition to the girl, two men are expected to give evidence about Jeffs's interference in their sexual relations with their wives, and about his instructions to persist with underage weddings regardless of state law. By Jeffs's reasoning, to oppose him is to oppose the will of God, although divine guidance failed him in August last year. He had been on the run when police stopped him for having an illegible car number plate, and he was arrested.

While the trial is about justice for one woman, it is also likely to excite public interest for its insights into the 12,000-strong community Jeffs leads.

The community, where immodest, short-sleeved shirts and movies are banned, exists in two towns either side of the Utah-Arizona border in remote desert country - Hildale and Colorado City.

Jeffs reportedly has excommunicated more than 100 men, taking their wives and children from them and placing them with other men.

Teenage boys are expelled for going to the movies, or looking at girls with interest. A welfare worker in nearby St George says teenagers are expelled almost weekly and left to fend for themselves in a mainstream society for which they are unprepared. Many end up in trouble with the law.

In the past five years about 2000 teens had been ordered out with no support and forbidden to contact their parents, said Michelle Benward, vice-president of the support group New Frontiers for Families.

"The mothers are living in such fear," Ms Benward said. "Most of them have 10 or 12 children. If they are once held as misbehaving they are told they could be reassigned to another husband or their other children can be taken away.

"There's thousands that have either been invited to leave or have left because they can't deal with the level of scrutiny. I have a couple of hundred I have contact with … hundreds of boys and 10 girls."

Polygamy is illegal in Utah, although it is not a factor in Jeffs's trial. However, the trial will hear evidence of Jeffs urging his followers to maintain the practice.

A spokesman for the Utah Attorney-General, Paul Murphy, said there were 30,000 polygamists in the state. Instead of charging people with polygamy, officers were told to focus on child abuse, fraud and domestic violence.

Mr Murphy said jury selection had begun last Friday.

Defence lawyers will argue that Jeffs is being prosecuted for his faith. Officiating at a wedding ceremony did not make him an accomplice to rape, a defence lawyer, Walter Bugden, is reported to have said.

Ms Benward, who is about to open a home for excommunicated teens, said it was not polygamy but Jeffs who created problems for his cult.

"There are other polygamous groups in Utah that do very well. The problem is having a tyrannical, obsessed, deranged leader."
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in vino veritas
Kam
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« Reply #109 on: September 11, 2007, 10:42:40 AM »

Post this to the Religion forum next time.
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You know when, like, you're little, your dad, you think he's Superman. Then when you grow up and realize he's just a regular guy who wears a cape.
-Dave Attell
obertray
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« Reply #110 on: September 11, 2007, 10:44:34 AM »

I don't get it!
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ponderosa
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« Reply #111 on: September 11, 2007, 01:51:33 PM »

Two Mormons walk into a bar. Or do they?
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obertray
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« Reply #112 on: September 11, 2007, 02:20:45 PM »

A Priest , a Minister, a Mullah and a Rabbi are sitting there playin Texas Hold Em.

Officer Clancy O'Malley bursts through the door shouting "This is a raid!" but when he sees the players he can't believe his eyes!

"Father, was you gambling?"

The priest makes with the sign of the cross whispers "Mother Mary, pray for me." then looks Clancy straight in the eye and says "No, my son. I was not gambling."

Slack jawed, the officer then turns to the Minister and says "Reverend was you gambling?"

The Minister thumps his bible once, whispers "What would Jesus do?" and then looks into the eyes of the policeman "No, my brother, I was not gambling."

A look of concern easing from his face the gendarme then asks the Mullah "Ummm, how about you...Arab church guy, was you gambling?"

A quick flick of the sleeve distracts the officer while the Mullah whispers "Allah, forgive me." then he too eyeballs the cop and says "No, my friend, I was not gambling."

Confusion now in the eyes of the constable he turns to the Rabbi and asks "Rabbi, was you gambling?"

The Rabbi looks him in the eye and says "With WHO?"
« Last Edit: September 11, 2007, 02:23:05 PM by obertray » Logged
TrojanHorse
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« Reply #113 on: September 11, 2007, 06:12:42 PM »

Sect leader facing rape trial to use faith as his defence

 Ian Munro Herald Correspondent in New York and agencies



yeah...I just didn't think this one was all that funny...
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ponderosa
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« Reply #114 on: September 12, 2007, 10:51:34 AM »

in a billy crystal mood...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZl3gGV4H6c

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elportenito1
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« Reply #115 on: September 12, 2007, 10:54:57 AM »


Commedy and Satire Australian way:


"The NSW Police Minister, David Campbell, and the Police Commissioner, Andrew Scipione, lambasted The Chaser over the highly embarrassing security breach, claiming that they put themselves and their crew in danger from being shot.

But Licciardello said he didn't believe highly trained police would have "taken pot shots at a guy dressed up like Osama bin Laden".

"The footage we've got shows that the police weren't too worried - some of them were laughing.

"We have got more faith in the Police Minister's snipers than he does."






http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/chaser-pair-thought-gag-would-fail/2007/09/11/1189276719718.html
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pugetopolis
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« Reply #116 on: September 18, 2007, 11:49:38 PM »

A string walks into a bar.

He yells "Bartender, get me a beer."

The bartender responds "We don't serve strings in this place. Hit the door!"

So the next day, the string again comes in the bar. He yells "bartender, get me a beer."

The bartender says "I thought I told you. We don't serve strings in here!".

So the string goes outside. He proceeds to unwind the threads that make up the upper part of his torso. Then he takes the threads and ties them into a knot. He goes into the bar and yells again "bartender, get me a beer." The bartender responds "I thought I told you. We don't serve strings here. Aren't you a string?"

The string replies "Nope, I'm a fraid knot".

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“Other people's obsessions
are more often funny than tragic.”
—Vincent Canby, The New York Times
obertray
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« Reply #117 on: September 19, 2007, 04:42:45 PM »

Dija hear about the two Peanuts walking down the street? one was assaulted.

Then they walked past a cookie factory, an mixer went kaflooie and now he's battery too!

Dija hear about the guy who got road rage? He ripped the radio antenna offa some hippie's VWbus and started hitting him with it! He was arrested for spreading vanaerial disease!

What's the difference between a pun and a fart? A pun is a shift of wit!

That one is 2/3's of a pun; pu.

Dija hear about the guy who farts in church? He sits in his own pew!





« Last Edit: September 19, 2007, 04:44:29 PM by obertray » Logged
obertray
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« Reply #118 on: September 20, 2007, 02:03:45 PM »

Checking my email box I notice the usual assortment of emails from people offering to give me a bigger wanger....

But today it occured to me to be skeptical of these ads, I mean, after all if there were an ancient Chinese herbal technique for making Wang into a Jeep Wangoneer, then why are oriental guys known to be the guys that can even make an Irishman proud of what he has?

Now, if you were to tell me that you discovered a plant that only grows in Africa!

I'd have to think that one over!
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Kam
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« Reply #119 on: September 21, 2007, 05:29:50 PM »

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OenqNTIpbFs
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You know when, like, you're little, your dad, you think he's Superman. Then when you grow up and realize he's just a regular guy who wears a cape.
-Dave Attell
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