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Exiles of the New York Times
September 22, 2017, 11:50:22 PM *
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Author Topic: Comedy  (Read 129475 times)
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#1
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« Reply #1005 on: August 25, 2017, 06:01:51 PM »

But seriously, folks!

That is one really funny headline.

That they got that past in the age of hypersensitivity to "Fake News" That one sounds like it's right off the World Weekly (Which was one funny fucking piece of work! That people didn't get that the whole thing was a satire just made the whole thing funnier.

I mean, I know that nearly no one believed it. But that snob America thought that others believed it and that the paper was written for people to believe it at all. BWAHAHAHAHA. you assholes.)

And yet there it is.

I can tell my "Johnny Carson told my joke" story again. And this is just like that. And if late night doesn't pick up on this. Then what does a newspaper have to do around here to get noticed? Hang upside down from the monkey bars with no underpants on?

OTOH, that might be the whole idea.

But it's still funny!
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« Reply #1006 on: August 28, 2017, 02:26:31 PM »

Come on, 170 views and not a single one could say so much as "HAR!"

Tough room.
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« Reply #1007 on: August 29, 2017, 03:50:33 PM »

Tortured Headlines (only one actually, but I think it could be something fun to list. )

Human remains found in Middletown man identified

Huh?

You found human remains in a Middletown man? And now you have been able to identify who it was that contributed those bits?

OK. Ick.
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« Reply #1008 on: August 30, 2017, 11:18:55 AM »

They fixed it.

Human remains found in Middletown identified
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Barton
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« Reply #1009 on: August 30, 2017, 11:52:00 AM »

Come on, 170 views and not a single one could say so much as "HAR!"

Tough room.

As the admin for a science website, with a sometimes active astronomy section, I am cognizant of the many many jokes concerning our 7th planet.  I chuckled (HAR!)(there you go) at "Uranus is probably full of giant diamonds," because my inner 12 year old is alive and well.  I recall a couple years ago a discussion on how one planet's orbit can affect an adjacent orbit. and one member said something like, "There are several possible culprits in that observed perturbation of Neptune's - most recently, Uranus has been fingered...."

Keep the funny headlines coming.  I'm trying to remember the classics....OK, I liked this one:

"Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 20"

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« Reply #1010 on: August 30, 2017, 03:42:42 PM »

Quote
Homicide victims rarely talk to the police

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« Reply #1011 on: September 01, 2017, 12:19:28 PM »

Come on, 170 views and not a single one could say so much as "HAR!"

Tough room.

As the admin for a science website, with a sometimes active astronomy section, I am cognizant of the many many jokes concerning our 7th planet.  I chuckled (HAR!)(there you go) at "Uranus is probably full of giant diamonds," because my inner 12 year old is alive and well.  I recall a couple years ago a discussion on how one planet's orbit can affect an adjacent orbit. and one member said something like, "There are several possible culprits in that observed perturbation of Neptune's - most recently, Uranus has been fingered...."

Keep the funny headlines coming.  I'm trying to remember the classics....OK, I liked this one:

"Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 20"



Butt it was the setup...
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« Reply #1012 on: September 02, 2017, 03:43:04 AM »

LITTLE PIANIST

A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist. He says to his friend, "That's amazing. How did you get that?"

The man pulls out a bottle and tells him to rub it and make a wish. He rubs the bottle, and a puff of smoke pops out and tells him that he can have one wish. So the man thinks and says, "I wish I had a million bucks."

The genie says, "OK, go outside, and your wish will be granted."

The man goes outside, but all he finds are ducks filling the sky and roads.

He goes back in and tells his friend what happened, and his friend replies, "I know. Did you really think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?"

-----------

Salute,

Tony V.
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Barton
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« Reply #1013 on: September 18, 2017, 09:48:36 AM »

A young ventriloquist is touring Norway and puts on a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Norwegian blonde women that way? What does the colour of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?

It’s men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humour!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologise, and the blonde yells: "You stay out of this! ......I'm talking to that little shit on your lap!"

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