Pinstripe Bowl Bound Michigan State 31, Methchicken 13
Fuck it. Just… fuck it. Even I don’t believe this but I will put on the show nevertheless.
THE 56, or However Many Points They Want to Score, Rutgers 0
As one of the preview articles I read put it, this game may not be suitable for younger viewers. If Rutgers is not the worst Power 5 team in CFB, they are the worst Power 5 team that does not have a pig on their helmet. If THE is not the best Power 5 team, they are the best Power 5 team without a tiger mascot. Word is THE is asking the NCAA to immediately reinstate Chase Young, but I think he could miss this game without damaging THE’s title hopes. Actually, THE’s entire first team, offensively and defensively, could miss this game without damaging THE’s title hopes.
Minnesota 20, Iowa 17
Getting Iowa coming off the emotional high of the the Pennsylvania State University win and a couple weeks before the Wisky showdown is a tough one. Iowa has a stout defense capable of shutting the Rodents down. Of course, I thought that about the Pennsylvania State also. Future the Florida State/USC head coach PJ Fleck gets his kids prepared, and they have to know that winning this game essentially puts them in Indianapolis in December. I have had this penciled in as a loss for the Rodents all year, but I am on them now. So… Congratulations Iowa!
Oklahoma 42, Baylor 13
Baylor has been fortunate to get through North Appalachia School of Applied Technology and TCU the last two weeks. Yes, I know Oklahoma has looked nothing like a top team the last two weeks, but I think Lincoln Riley gets the team back on beam.
ClemSIN 47, WTFU 13
ClemSIN continues to pay a ranking and committee price for the fact that the entire South Atlantic Conference is, well, the CFB equivalent of the South Atlantic Conference. Woke’s loss to VTU pretty much ended the chance that ClemSIN will have played anyone ranked all year – unless they lose this game. Which would make it hard to come back from a loss if they were to lose this game. Which they won’t. They won’t lose any game. All year. Repeat baby. Note the unease felt by those who thought Jennifer Lawrence was playing below his freshman year has been calmed. ClemSIN has put the early season doldrums behind them.
Alabama 49, the Old Missississippi State 7
Alabama’s defense is having issues; you cannot constantly reload when your entire defense goes pro and not pay some price. On the other hand… not a good week to be in the Alabama practices, which means not a good week to be Miss State. I suspect a frustration or two will be worked out.
the Louisiana State 45, Missississippi 13
I think ClemSIN is the best team in the country, and the THE is right behind them, but there is no denying LSU has played the best ball all year, factoring in schedule. Miss is bad, but not quite name the score bad. The 13 is the extent I am willing to go on the “looking past the game, coming off a high” line, if only because no one is looking past anyone to Arkansas.
Georgia 24, Auburn 17
I’m tempted to call the upset, based on that Jordan Hare magic, but just can’t put enough trust in the frosh quarterback. I wonder if Georgia is having second thoughts about just who their quarterback should have been. Fields has outshone Fromm to date, and I am not all that sure Eason has not been his equal. Still, Georgia has an overall strong team, and should handle the War Damn Eagles. Hey, whatever happened to that guy, coresomething? I assume he has finally augered down to the center of the earth in his search for energy.
the Pennsylvania State 45, Indiana 24
IU’s two losses have been, first, getting pole axed by THE, which is no shame, and losing to us, which at this point is. PSU has THE next on their schedule and but for Saturday’s loss, it would be tempting to call this a trap game. IU has a pretty good offense, but as a friend told me at his bachelor party, never, never put your trust in an IUD. I intend to keep making that, or a similar, joke each time I am compelled to discuss Indiana.
Oregon 35, UArizona 14
As close as I live to Sun City, I cracked up at Colin Jost’s joke about the fka U of A rebranding: “If you have ever gotten a DUI on a golf cart, UArizona.” It’s funny cuz it’s true. I thought Sumlin was a good hire and Edwards a bad one when they took place at the same time two years ago, but I hear now that Sumlin’s leash is short. I am not sure who would find that a top job, though. To the extent there is HS talent in Arizona, they traditionally go out of state, and UArizona has zero national draw. Anyway, they have had the shit knocked out of them four straight games, and I see no reason it will not be five.
Utah 35, University of California* 24
Utah’s second biggest set of fans right now are in Oregon, and vice versa. Former genius Chip Kelly has had his team playing less bad lately – three wins before a bye, and reasonably close losses before that. Still, Utah has a homefield, talent and coaching edge.
* Los Angeles
University of California* 35, University of California** 14
8 – 4 is acceptable if you are Michigan State, a good year if you are (actual) Cal, and a miracle if you are Maryland. It is not acceptable if you are USC. But take what you can get and hope the new, non-Trojan Man AD has the right vision for the future of your program.
* Southern
**
Cincinnati 35, South Florida 10
You know who has said, “I am not going to FSU. I want to play in a half empty NFL stadium for a third rate FBS program because I like their weight room?” No fucking kid. Ever.
Our Lady of the Perpetual Tie 31, Navy 28
Not that I do not very much want to pick the upset.
Wisconsin 35, Nebraska 10
Yeah, a Nebraska Man is coaching Nebraska. Not always the best choice, but I really think it comes down to, once your program loses that special feel it is really, really hard to get it back unless you are in a place people want to go. I think USC can get it back, and despite my finding a cockroach on the sink in a Tallahassee La Quinta, FSU may be able to as well. But Nebraska? By the way, they gave us $15.00 off for the cockroach. I suggested to my wife we put the dead roach in a baggie and see if we can get $15.00 off at the next LaQuinta in Ft. Myers, but she found that, while humorous, unhygienic. We travel with our miniature poodle Benji (“Benjication”) and La Quinta was – until Windham bought them – the most pet friendly mid-priced chain, which is why we tend to stop there despite the roach and last week’s massive grey dog poop.
Florida 42, Misery 13
Missouri has shown me nothing.
Pitt 31, North Carolina 13
One of the less interesting questions left in the season is who is going to come out of the South Atlantic League Coastal [sic] Division to get clobbered by ClemSIN. Maybe Pitt. Rumors have reached my ears about a change in East Lansing being possible – not likely, I think, Dantonio has too much good will left over to not let him try to figure out the modernization of CFB offenses – and Narduzzi has been mentioned. Which strikes me as exactly the wrong move. It would be replacing Dantonio with a Dantonio clone.
Northwestern 5, U Mass 2
The fucking nadir.
Poll
