Escape from Elba

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

News:

Pages: 1 2 3 [4] 5 6 ... 8

Author Topic: Comedy  (Read 17718 times)

Holly Martins

  • Guest
Re: Comedy
« Reply #45 on: July 25, 2021, 05:24:05 PM »

Q. Why did the Scientist install a knocker on his door?

 
A. He wanted to win the No-bell prize.

(this is my offering for a Really Dreadful Jokes Contest,  if anyone is interested)
Logged

Holly Martins

  • Guest
Re: Comedy
« Reply #46 on: September 12, 2021, 11:25:42 AM »

Logged

Oilcan

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2536
    • View Profile
Re: Comedy
« Reply #47 on: September 14, 2021, 07:28:03 PM »

RIP Norm MacDonald.  Left us way too early, at 61.  Great performer and writer of comedy.   
Logged
Punch, brothers, punch with care!
Punch in the presence of the passenjare!

Hairy Lime

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6950
  • I'm not eating one iota of shit.
    • View Profile
Re: Comedy
« Reply #48 on: September 14, 2021, 10:40:07 PM »

RiP Turd Ferguson.
Logged
The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle; the chalice with the palace has the brew that is true!

Holly Martins

  • Guest
Re: Comedy
« Reply #49 on: September 17, 2021, 05:17:15 PM »

Never trust an electrician with no eyebrows.
Logged

Holly Martins

  • Guest
Re: Comedy
« Reply #50 on: September 17, 2021, 05:23:13 PM »

Logged

Holly Martins

  • Guest
Re: Comedy
« Reply #51 on: September 22, 2021, 10:02:11 AM »

Logged

Oilcan

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2536
    • View Profile
Re: Comedy
« Reply #52 on: November 23, 2021, 12:27:52 PM »

BERLIN (AP)

 A man in Germany has discovered the hard way that its best to get a driving license first before trying to use it.

Police in Bergheim, near Cologne, said Tuesday that the 37 year old drove himself to his driving test, parking an Opel Zafira outside the test center in front of an astonished examiner.

They said he told police officers who were called to the scene on Monday that he had only driven because he wanted to make sure to get to the driving test on time.

His test was immediately called off. The man now faces an investigation for driving without a license. Police also opened an investigation of the cars owner.
Logged
Punch, brothers, punch with care!
Punch in the presence of the passenjare!

Holly Martins

  • Guest
Re: Comedy
« Reply #53 on: December 16, 2021, 03:52:33 PM »

Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a paupers cemetery in the Nova Scotia back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didnt stop for directions.

 I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didnt know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I have never played before for this homeless man. And as I played, the workers began to weep.

When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head was hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say,

      I never seen anything like that before, and I have been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.
Logged

Oilcan

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2536
    • View Profile
Re: Comedy
« Reply #54 on: January 06, 2022, 02:50:37 PM »

I accidentally swallowed some scrabble tiles.  My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster!
Logged
Punch, brothers, punch with care!
Punch in the presence of the passenjare!

Oilcan

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2536
    • View Profile
Re: Comedy
« Reply #55 on: January 08, 2022, 01:26:57 PM »

Why is it...when you send something by car it's called a shipment, and when you send it by ship it's called cargo?

Logged
Punch, brothers, punch with care!
Punch in the presence of the passenjare!

Oilcan

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2536
    • View Profile
Re: Comedy
« Reply #56 on: January 17, 2022, 01:04:39 PM »

Logged
Punch, brothers, punch with care!
Punch in the presence of the passenjare!

josh

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 18995
    • View Profile
Re: Comedy
« Reply #57 on: January 18, 2022, 01:06:35 PM »

Logged
The day Richard Nixon failed to answer that subpoena is the day he was subject to impeachment because he took the power from Congress over the impeachment process away from Congress, and he became the judge and jury." ~Lindsey Graham

josh

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 18995
    • View Profile
Re: Comedy
« Reply #58 on: January 18, 2022, 01:09:53 PM »

I got a twofer today.

I received an email that teased a story from their site with the following:
"Super-old Human Remains."

I presumed when I opened it that it would tell me where this person remains, but no!

Instead, I found this headline:
"Modern humans lived in eastern Africa 38,000 years earlier than thought"

It's a wonder they managed to escape the predators!
Logged
The day Richard Nixon failed to answer that subpoena is the day he was subject to impeachment because he took the power from Congress over the impeachment process away from Congress, and he became the judge and jury." ~Lindsey Graham

Holly Martins

  • Guest
Re: Comedy
« Reply #59 on: January 19, 2022, 06:33:56 PM »

Heh!  (Always enjoy the word play)

Logged
Pages: 1 2 3 [4] 5 6 ... 8